Trust in the Slow Work of God...

Consider it all joy when you face trials, because through trials you gain perserverance, which builds character which creates hope. And hope does not disappoint us. - Life Verse...

On Valentine's Day, I got my answer from health insurance. No. My denial prior to this was conditional to three things, lower BMI, extra skin hanging below a certain point and rashes. All three which I had to have documentation of. Lost more weight...check. Extra skin...doctor examination revealed it hung below the line it should...check. Rashes...No. I wash myself daily, sometimes two or three times depending on what I did or just being in NO,LA. Got the response back. Under your prior denial the circumstances have changed, you have met your criteria. However, there is an exclusion...cannot be skin from weight loss. SERIOUSLY!?

Needless to say tears flowed yesterday while I talked with the woman on the phone...they were quiet tears, I am not a hyperventilator crier. I listened as she said, "on a personal note, I am very impressed by your journey and you are much healthier now. On a business note, we cannot help you."

My story and struggles are not the same as everyone elses, I know this. Not everyone has had the journey of my life which I have. It was a dream crusher to say the least. I have worked for over five years to achieve this point only to meet your criteria to get an exclusion. Screw cupid, the health care system has broken my heart, not love.

Today seemed to remind me much of last year in many ways. It was difficult to go to work and it was even harder to pretend to be joyous, spread cheer and optimism. As I told our school psych as we walked the hallways...fake it til I feel it. (Mantra of teachers everywhere.)

My students then asked about it during math which was right after my principal had just come in and presented on goal setting..."Miss Meyer, did you meet your goal, do you know yet? We don't want you to leave us, but do you get surgery?" This was a great segway into if you do not meet a goal that you set up for yourself, do you quit?

I explained to my students what I could not meet the timeline which I had set for myself, but it did not mean that I would never reach my goal. I explained that when you have a setback that you cannot control, one simply re-evaluates how they would like to approach the situation and then change the way you accomplish your goal. I told them, my goal was to get out of college in 4 years, I broke my knee and changed colleges, it really took me six. Does that mean that I was not to accomplish my goal? No, just that the timeline was not mine. This really helped the kids because we talked about when they want to accomplish something, they need to think about is it a goal...something you can control or a desire...something you want, but have no control over the outcome. My desire was to have health insurance pay, they said no.

My goal is the same, I have worked very hard to finish my masters, and become an amazing educator while losing weight. My goals, the thing I CAN CONTROL, I still do control. I think they got it. Who know, they may have been there thinking "Sweet! I just sidetracked my teacher after the principal was here for 15 minutes of math!!!!"

As my wise godmother, Laurie told me this past summer over lunch together, "...trust in the slow work of God." It is not that the time is moving quickly, because it is, it seems slow to us because of our society wanting immediate gratification now. I am confident that I am simply walking out the life which the Lord wants...I am healthier than I was ever, and could even possibly fathomed. I have some of the most supportive family, friends and co-workers that I could dream of having. I am accomplishing my personal dreams which I believe have been enstilled in me by my guiding faith in God works all things for the good of those who trust him. My time here is not my own and my work here is your work, accomplished here by me.

I Choose to trust YOU, because You are Good, and Faithful, and have yet to give me any reason to doubt. Just when I think I am alone and walking by myself, You are there with me. I AM LOVED.