Add in a touch of reality and suddenly I am helter skelter all over my habits of good intentions of sticking with my weight loss goals. I am crashing head first into the cliffs of insanity with the dread pirate peanut butter and nutella honey maid grahams nipping at my heels with a half gallon of skim milk to round off this dynamic stress eating duo. Grr! I do so well during the times when I do not have to worry about students, graduate papers and deadlines for work. Then truly as if the apocalypse happened when a student or myself has a crisis, I go rushing to the nearest food area for management purposes. One would think that after nearly five years of the journey of losing the weight that I would have learned by now that one cannot turn to food and get the answer that they are looking for. Why is it that I keep doing the wrong that I desperately want to stop? I believe Paul said it best in Romans 7:15, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. " - Oh I understand, Nutella + PB Jif + Honey Maids = WHOO-NELLY!
I guess this goes back to my Happiness Project for myself...focus, Loving Myself and Having Personal acceptance. Just because I fell off the healthy wagon with half a box of Honey Maids covered in Nutella and creamy PB Jif washed down with a half gallon (SERIOUSLY!? You inquire...YES!!!) of skim milk...because we all know that the skim milk really makes a health difference when one consumes that amount of calories...doesn't mean that I need to dwell on it anymore. That was Saturday. :( Last time I was like this was during staff meeting when the chocolate covered pretzels appeared...noticing a trend...my aquiles heel seems to be chocolate covered salt. (Apparently I have now created a category on the government food pyramid.)
Moving on girl, picking myself back up, ate another fabulous clean eating Monday and hit the gym while rounding off leadership meetings and my masters homework. Go Girl! If the girl on the elliptical at 24 wasn't checking me out as a nut for lipsyncin' along to Maroon 5, I would have high-fived her!
I did have some big positives this past weekend with the Happiness Project. I spent some family time with my mother doing a massage, tour of the KC Designer Show house and lunch at a new restaurant in town, Cafe Sebastinne in the Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art. Time with family, wonderful. Massage, desperately needed and now a regular at the college clinic, I go twice a month. Tour of the home before the renovation, very interesting to see what a home that housed seven children looked like prior to TV and smaller family sizes of today. Lunch at the Cafe...whole 'nother story. I got some serious work done early for my master's due Thursday, but I turned it in early because of meeting every night this week.
Happiness Is...spending time with the ones you love, embracing the spontaneity of viewing a home tour and trying a new location for lunch (in the words of my mother, it was the best Ruben in town, and my pistachio chicken salad was something worth savoring), while learning to forgive yourself and accept that Nutella and Honey Maids are something which are not kept in your own personal pantry for a reason.
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