Learning the Levels of Love

In my last entry in August, prior to the start of September, I did an entry about being a bachelorette and how I was aching to find love in my life and starting to embark upon the sonnets which Shakespeare penned and Elizabeth Barrett Browning composed. How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count the Ways. Were these not the same words put into action by our own Savior more than 2000 years ago when he willingly came to die a blameless life for me upon a cross, and would gladly do it all over again simply to hear me say the words, I choose Christ. There is no greater love then this, that you would lay down your life for a friend.

I have been blessed this past month with starting some new outings and friendships which are challenging me to grow and mature as a fallen woman who is growing in her faith and trust with the Lord daily. One of the things which Proverbs 27:17 talks about is iron sharpening iron to become stronger and more able to take on challenges. I can see how life together with other strong believers has that very impact! In talking and attending various church events and seeing wonderful individuals, I have been forced to confront my own flawed way of viewing love in a gilded light.

The levels of love and the intimacy which can ensue is something which I am starting to slowly grasp my naïve mind around. The Eros side of Love, the passionate love which exists in strong romance coupled with the Philia side of love which is the deep friendships which are created through time and trust. I say naïve in my opening sentence simply because not everyone has had the joy of living a life quite like mine, the life of choosing to remain set apart. This can create some rather interesting conversations on dates when I feel that progression further can be a challenge, especially when the level of love and intimacy which I am searching for is the Agape side of love. For those who are unaware, Agape love which is unconditional and selfless side of love is the base for the strongest relationships. Agape love is unconditional, time and circumstance cannot affect the outcome of the relationship or love bond because there were no conditions prior, simply the act off accepting one another as they are and come.

I do believe that my biggest misconception through my life was that I was unlovable and that I was too much of a person to ever see someone loving a woman as multi-faceted as myself. Ouch, yes, I really did just type that out for the entire world to read. I saw myself as being too overweight, too loud, too tall, too quirky, too meager in finances…etc. The nitty gritty, I saw myself as not enough of a person and having conditions which someone would be looking for me to meet in order to truly love me. HOW Pathetic! Yes, I really have thought that for many, many years. It was through talking with a friend about "Love Dare", "Love Talk", and the "Five Love Languages" that I have been guided to seeing that I never really have loved myself without conditions, making my belief that someone else could show the same love and acceptance as Christ a real challenge.

Part of the happiness project this year is to find the time to invest in others, because I want to and have not had the chance to do just that, maintain the garden of friendships or grow new seedlings of relationships within the walls of my life. I plan to take the time to do just that this year, make relationships a priority. Not only making relationships a priority, but offering the same unconditional and selfless love which Christ has poured out upon my right back to others.

Love which I have experienced this week included, Cole and his family having me over for wine and to share an evening with their life as a family. Gifted photographer Bethany Good taking me to Loose Park for a photo shoot with my new figure to rock my new journey! My father taking me on a daddy daughter date to which I may not have agreed with everything mentioned was a great conversations to have. Meeting my new friend Derrick at the gym each morning and encouraging him and I to continue our healthy lifestyles and shared interests in local culture, food and family. I have even been able to visit Laura and Jenna in Wichita for birthday girl weekend. Overall, I am experiencing love, I just need to be more alert in the moment and allow love to the action of choice as it was this pas t week rather than over analyzing when it will happen and trust that as I live our Agape, my Lord will bring along Eros and Phila love into my life.