Life is Blissful

Upon reflection of the year at hand as it draws to a close, I am able to look at what 2011 was to me in my life as I begin the chapters of 2012.

Beginning wit professional life, as a fourth year educator, I am finding that I am becoming more confident in my ability as an educator and had the wonderful opportunity to impact future educators through my Alma mater, ESU with their mentor teacher program. I was given my first student teacher, Danielle, who was wonderful. Each day having her as a part of my learning community really allowed me the chance to relive the joys of student teaching, but also allowed my the chance to share my knowledge and skills with her. Danielle will be moving to first grade for the Spring, but she left a wide hole in the hearts of the fifth graders in my classroom. They simply loved and adored her. I look forward to welcoming my newest addition, Lauren to the class on Jan. 11. I am sure that she will be honing and perfecting her tool-box for the trade with strategies for success.

In addition to the student teachers, I had the chance to be published in the NCTE's book, Supporting Students in a Time of Core Standards, Grades 3-5. I am chapter 4, which focuses on Inferences and drawing conclusions. In case you are curious about what was written about me, I have attached a portion of the chapter here. In the book itself, it goes into more details about what it looks and sounds like to teach in my classroom.

On a personal weight loss level, I have had an equally as busy year. Maintaining my weight is something that is still a struggle for me, but I do know that the accountability piece is highly important for me. After being asked by Weight Watchers to submit my personal story to People magazine twice for the Half My Size issue, I was turned down. A bit of a heart breakers in someways. Yet, WW did not forget me. They asked me to please submit my name for the Most Inspiring Weight Watcher members competition, where two weeks ago, I discovered that I was not the grand prize, but one of the 100 first place winners nationally. How exciting that I was selected! Fox 4 News did their follow up on me and then asked about some of the transformations which I have encountered this year with surgery and changing of the body and soul through the journey...the link the the website is here in case you care to check it out.

In addition to this, I was interviewed by Men's Health magazine for the book that they are writing about the founding of Weight Watchers and the members lives whom have been impacted by this wonderful program.

With the accountability piece for my weight, I am starting training for a half marathon in April with my boyfriend Derrick. I have put on ten pounds and lost it, then gained it in learning how to manage love that he and I are both focused on me losing but also on us growing closer as a couple as we train for the Rock the Parkway on the day before tax day. I am currently running 5 miles a day, transitioning from the 4 mile runs. I need to add in the weights, but I am having difficulty adding it all in.

When it comes to Spiritual Growth, I feel that I am still being transformed into the wonderful creation which God has created me to be, whether it is -235+ pounds lighter or +10 pounds heavier than I was two months ago. God has created me in HIS image and I am living out my testimony by giving glory to God for the temple which he has given me a second time a round. I have been really trying hard to use my weekends in town when not spending them at family events to solidify where it is that God is leading me to have my church family at. Suggestions as well as podcast links are welcome. Derrick and I are going to be starting a couples Bible study together but the topic is yet to be defined.

In reflection of of the happiness project from last year, am I truly more happy? I feel like yes, I am much more happy this year than I was last year. My weight is something which I am finally able to manage better. I am enjoying a love life for the first time, and one that is blessed by someone who inspires me to be more. I am done with my masters program and starting to look into what type of doctorate programs I may be interested in. I am feeling better about my appearance due to the weight and the skin being removed. How blessed I am to finally feel like I am more now than I was last year.

Am I done with pursuing my personal happiness goals of what is happiness and what brings me joy? No...I am going to hopefully start traveling soon, maybe start a cooking class with Dan, a cousin of Derrick, as well as training for a half marathon. I know that God is continuing to refine me. I love being refined, yet hating it at the same time. Life for me, is blissful. Thank you Father God for the gift of life, love and the pursuit of happiness.

Timing is Everything…

One would think that the older I get the more patient I would learn to become. Why is this difficult thing for me to do? In doing a relationship book study, I have discovered that my number one emotion fear which I am unable to control is "Time". When I cannot control the time or plan, I have anxiety, stress, cranky, and other fun side effects. Yet, while I can control some pieces of time, I am starting to learn from a friend that I need to learn that there will always be something more to get accomplished and I cannot change that. I am constantly discovering that my time is not my own, and I am merely walking out the path that the Lord is setting out before me. As it says in 2 Peter 1:19, "And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts." What exactly is this scripture telling me? It is making me reflect upon the piece that there is one star, Christ and I must continue to seek the guidance of the Lord through the Bible to guidance in my life.

When it comes to patience and my life at the moment, there are a few things which I am learning about myself…

1. I pretend to be patient and that I want to wait, but I my heart I am thinking… "Forget this! Let's just do this thang!"
   
2. Seeking advice and counsel comes easy to me. I want to make people happy, it is one of my emotional needs, however, I cannot make everyone happy, therefore, I can be miserable rather than doing what I feel may be bringing me joy…but is it really joy when others are not happy as well? (Being a People Pleaser is No Bueno!)
   
3. I am indecisive…one minute I feel as though I can scream Heck Yeah from the roof tops and the next slam on the breaks and put up my hand and say, Not Comfortable with This! (Part of the feeling on this is that I feel that I want something right now when really I do not need or have to have something right now…budgeting with money can be tough! (Just sayin')
   
4. I have too many things to do, and I feel guilty taking time for myself. Which is ironic because I have no children or major commitments beyond myself, just the thought of doing something not work related or healthy for me or my family can cause me to stress out if my "list" of to-do's never dwindles and my patience is slow with others.
   
5. I am finding that relationships with other people need to be a higher priority than my weight management. I have discovered that I pushed away people in order to obtain my goals of weight loss and management because I was worried about a number on a scale rather than seeing myself as accepted and loved for who I am.
   

In Psalm 119:34-40, David pens, "Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands for there I will find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gains. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. Fulfill your promise to your servant so that you may be feared. Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good. How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness."

All this said and put behind me, one may be inquiring, why do you place all this on your blog about timing today?

1. I need accountability. If I do not have people holding me accountable to my standards and goals, I know that I will not meet them. It is my nature and I know myself well enough after 28 years to see that I need people to hold my feet to the coals and flames of learning.
   
2. I am at a place where I am not sure where my path may be leading. People magazine has my weight loss story and has been teetering on whether or not to include my story with the Half-My-Size Issue which comes out in January. Weight Watchers selected it once and one editor said no two weeks ago, then a different editor wanted to reopen it last week. Patience is hard when you are wondering if the Lord wants to take your weight loss story and journey to a national not merely local level.
   
3. I am confused about where to start on my teaching career path. Starting a doctorate program is something which I have seriously been interested in doing and looking into for the past few months, and I think I have a program which may be a good fit for me. I am struggling with this because I am unsure about whether now is a good time to begin such a task…especially with the economic state of the nation, working on getting out of debt and my career path.
   
4. What about branching out with love? I am waiting on timing here as well. I feel that I have individuals who I care deeply about in my life yet, I am struggling with the ability to juggle all requirements for my current position, weight management, "publicity potential", and having the support of those who I love more than anything accept the decisions which I am considering.
   

I feel as though I am getting mixed counsel from parents, friends and others. I want to have as Good to Great puts it, "Everyone on the bus moving in the same direction." Timing really is important in life, I want to make sure that my timing is correct, proper and in a place where I am able to bless other rather than causing any issues for the people who I care about most. Besides, my time really is not my own. I am merely a vessel here walking out God's love and joy on this world. I am leaving a legacy on this earth, yet I am not of this world. My prayer since July has been, John 17:24-25 "…be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them and will continue to make you knowing in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."

I just want the time so fleeting as it is to be maximized for the good of God's glory, yet also for the joy of my heart and life.

Learning the Levels of Love

In my last entry in August, prior to the start of September, I did an entry about being a bachelorette and how I was aching to find love in my life and starting to embark upon the sonnets which Shakespeare penned and Elizabeth Barrett Browning composed. How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count the Ways. Were these not the same words put into action by our own Savior more than 2000 years ago when he willingly came to die a blameless life for me upon a cross, and would gladly do it all over again simply to hear me say the words, I choose Christ. There is no greater love then this, that you would lay down your life for a friend.

I have been blessed this past month with starting some new outings and friendships which are challenging me to grow and mature as a fallen woman who is growing in her faith and trust with the Lord daily. One of the things which Proverbs 27:17 talks about is iron sharpening iron to become stronger and more able to take on challenges. I can see how life together with other strong believers has that very impact! In talking and attending various church events and seeing wonderful individuals, I have been forced to confront my own flawed way of viewing love in a gilded light.

The levels of love and the intimacy which can ensue is something which I am starting to slowly grasp my naïve mind around. The Eros side of Love, the passionate love which exists in strong romance coupled with the Philia side of love which is the deep friendships which are created through time and trust. I say naïve in my opening sentence simply because not everyone has had the joy of living a life quite like mine, the life of choosing to remain set apart. This can create some rather interesting conversations on dates when I feel that progression further can be a challenge, especially when the level of love and intimacy which I am searching for is the Agape side of love. For those who are unaware, Agape love which is unconditional and selfless side of love is the base for the strongest relationships. Agape love is unconditional, time and circumstance cannot affect the outcome of the relationship or love bond because there were no conditions prior, simply the act off accepting one another as they are and come.

I do believe that my biggest misconception through my life was that I was unlovable and that I was too much of a person to ever see someone loving a woman as multi-faceted as myself. Ouch, yes, I really did just type that out for the entire world to read. I saw myself as being too overweight, too loud, too tall, too quirky, too meager in finances…etc. The nitty gritty, I saw myself as not enough of a person and having conditions which someone would be looking for me to meet in order to truly love me. HOW Pathetic! Yes, I really have thought that for many, many years. It was through talking with a friend about "Love Dare", "Love Talk", and the "Five Love Languages" that I have been guided to seeing that I never really have loved myself without conditions, making my belief that someone else could show the same love and acceptance as Christ a real challenge.

Part of the happiness project this year is to find the time to invest in others, because I want to and have not had the chance to do just that, maintain the garden of friendships or grow new seedlings of relationships within the walls of my life. I plan to take the time to do just that this year, make relationships a priority. Not only making relationships a priority, but offering the same unconditional and selfless love which Christ has poured out upon my right back to others.

Love which I have experienced this week included, Cole and his family having me over for wine and to share an evening with their life as a family. Gifted photographer Bethany Good taking me to Loose Park for a photo shoot with my new figure to rock my new journey! My father taking me on a daddy daughter date to which I may not have agreed with everything mentioned was a great conversations to have. Meeting my new friend Derrick at the gym each morning and encouraging him and I to continue our healthy lifestyles and shared interests in local culture, food and family. I have even been able to visit Laura and Jenna in Wichita for birthday girl weekend. Overall, I am experiencing love, I just need to be more alert in the moment and allow love to the action of choice as it was this pas t week rather than over analyzing when it will happen and trust that as I live our Agape, my Lord will bring along Eros and Phila love into my life.

And That's When She Became...The Bachelorette!

I do not know many of you our there who were fans of one of my favorite 90's sitcoms, The Nanny, but my tagline this entry is dedicated to...Miss FINE!!! (Can you hear Mr. Sheffield calling down the hall now?)

The Nanny no more, I have given up the evenings of Friday and Saturday post Masters and new Phoenix to take the time to branch out and spread my new wings. One has to when even the plastic surgeon looks you directly in the big brown eyes and says, "You'll never meet anyone lesson planning...at least take it to a bookstore." I know that this advice comes from a place of love and caring about my emotional well-being...making sure that I really do take the oppertunity to put myself out there to meet and greet with love. (Dare-I-Pen-It...Finding Love Is Scary!) I did take the time within the past two weeks to step outside the nest of my classroom to find love, or at least to let love find me.

The M & M's out for the Night with Keith Urban in Tow....

The first Friday Night adventure of the school year was on August 19 to attend Keith Urban with my favorite fifth grade female...Lindsay and her sweet sister, Michelle. We went out to dinner and then sang the night away with our handsome date!

Any other news from the doctor this past week? Well, there were two appointments, both filled with positives and negatives. Positives, I am cleared for swimming exercises and weight lifting, elliptical machines and stationary bikes. Negatives, I am not to go running outside again as my arthritis in the right knee is looking at injections starting in October if not clearning up. I shared my wounded heart with my parents on Saturday that my bucket list goal of running a half marathon would never be completed now. My sweet father, simply placed his strong arms around me and held me in the booth at Olive Garden and said, "Punkin Girl, you have achieved so many other dreams, this dream is one that may have a different ending than you intended." Very true my wise father.

Out to support Doug Billing's with his Dazzeling Divas for the Night.

Bets and I Lookin' Fab! (My Newest Favorite of the Two of Us!)

Which Handsome Gentleman Will We Choose?

Having Fun Watching the Studs Strut Their Stuff...

(My Stud I bought myself...Date Next Saturday Night, Sept. 10)

This past week, I gave to cancer research! Yes, I can say that my attending the American Cancer Society Bachelor Auction down at Howl at the Moon last Thursday evening was truly to raise money for a good cause...well...more like two good causes...cancer research and my love life. Do I feel like both were winners...too soon to say. Yet, I did have a fabulous time getting dressed up and attending the gala with Jodi Danzinger and the other Dazzeling Divas who went out to offer support of Doug Billings and friends. One of my bucket list items was to attend a bachelor auction and win a date...CHECK! I did! Yes, you read that right. I went to the auction, and I won myself a man. Details of the date to come later. Nice guy, Good Chemestry and Fun Date Planned...well worth the $ I shelled out for the night

Betsy also had her birthday this past week. Which meant that two nights in a row I was on the town...big weekend for me. We sang the night away at her favorite local spot, The Other Place in Olathe where Bob (the dj friend of ours) came over to celebrate his weight loss and share with me his progress. I was so very touched to learn that he is making strides in his life to live a more active and healthy lifestyle. What a blessing it is to talk and share information about lifestyle changes.

Beautiful Betsy and I wearing Black and White for the Night...

The joy of attending a movie, which is on the Happiness Project was also achieved this past month. I went to see the Help on Saturday Evening down at CinemaSuites on Mainstreet 6 at Power and Light on Saturday eveing. The book by Katheryn Stockett was a book recommended by Betsy as I was recovering from surgery. It was truly right up there with, "To Kill a Mockingbird" in my reading repitour. I savored each page which Katheryn composed in a symphony of understanding of what life would have been like to love and invest of yourself in the life of a family only raise children to be racially biased. If you have not taken the oppertunity this year to read or see a film in the theater, this one was well worth the money.

How is the school year so far? Well, I have some special friends this year...but that is what makes the year...special friends. They are the students that you look back upon and say, "I grew because of them, and I am a better educator because I taught them." I know this to be true because I am in love with all of them! I have yet to have a student breeze across the threwshold of my room this year and groan. Each one of them is unique and special...quirky...that is how I will describe this class...we are a quirky group this year...perfect for a quirky and fiesty lady like me.

On the focus of my faith, I have been reading, "Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them." It reminds me of "Primal Leadership, Learning to Lead with Emotional Inteligence." This book seems to be the Christian form of the relationship builder and goal setting of healing relationships and looking for ways to invest and be a better more effective communicator in the lives of people around us. How could I not want to share the wonderful chiseling away at my heart which the Lord is doing to make me a more multi-faceted and loving individual for his Kingdom. What a blessing to take the oppertunity to say, here I am Lord, form me into more. (Yet at the same time, simply scary as well.)

Orange You Glad...

Orange Sherbert, Thai Curried Carrot Slaw, and Spiced Tangerines...these are the things that this week was made of. Orange Sherbert, the colors in my dress for the wedding of my cousin Steven to his lovely bride Tiffany. Thai Curried Carrot Slaw, my culinary creation for the week...must say, I am enjoying the kick quite a bit. Tangerine Spice, the nail color for the fingers which scurry across my keyboard this evening.

It has been a blurry-eyed week this past week...contract started this past Monday, met my intern, D.W., set up the classroom, shopped for supplies, made relish and preserves, house-sat in Stanley, met all but one family at "Sneak-a-Peek", plus my brother flew in from California for the wedding and jetted back out today. Hard to believe that this is ironically how packed a week in the life of a this teacher usually is. I a wonderful at piling on the plate, (believe me, used to be a bigger girl, I can load the Chinet up) hard to clear the plate of items once they have been up on. Not that I am complaining, I have a full life in which I am blessed with many wonderful people to share it with! In looking ahead to the first full week of school, I am excited to see that I have a class full of new eyes, hearts, brains and lives to impact and share my passions with. I only hope they are as excited to start the year as I am. The fourth annual, "It's Great to be in Miss Meyer's 5th Grade!" will be sung tomorrow along with many other fun team building activities.

The wedding of Steven and Tiffany Meyer was also this past weekend. One of the most tender-hearted people I know, my cousin Steven, had the extreme joy of expanding his already large family by adding in a fabulous firey Irish bride, Tiffany Lynn. I am thrilled to have shared in their day by standing with programs and handing out bubbles. Watching them dance together and hold each other's hands throught the night was something truly special to behold. Few people find the love of their life...I know I have not had this pleasure yet, and here Steven and Tiffany have not only found each other but celebrate and compliment one another beautifully. know they will have a wonderful memory filled honeymoon.

With all that is going on this week, I am going to turn in early tonight...yes, before 9 PM! So enjoy the Trip to the Pan-Asian Tropics with the Thai Curry Carrot Cole Slaw (on my newest page...Eatin' Like a Bird) and photos below of the family events!

Relish the Days Ahead...

Hard to believe that my last week of summer has come and gone, the old soap opera, "Days of Our Lives" seems to play in my mind right about now..".just as sands in the hour glass...so our the days of our lives." What do the days of my life and the hour glass ahead have to do with summer and myself? One of them would be that I worked on one of my goals this past summer...making relish and jam. Yes, I am a Great-Aunt-Gladys-Buckner wannabe in my family. I aspire to try out the family recipes that are currently not shared with the "young'ns" because we cannot fully appreciate it...or sell it to Heinz foods...(purely speculation at this very moment.) But I did, try my hand at zucchini relish, with a recipe that I found online as well as black cherry preserves. I must say, that the treats were well worth the cost of $20 it took to purchase all of the red peppers, sweet onions, zucchini, black cherries along with pectin, Splenda and Truvia I needed to accomplish this feat. I tried two different variations of the relish, because the first one I thought was not close enough to Great Aunt Gladys's...hers uses real suga'h and I am thinking she may have added in cucumbers plus poppy seed, not just celery seed due to the sweet flavor hers has. Mine while delish...was still not nearly as good in my mind as hers. Will I eat it? Hell yeah! I seriously sat down with a small cup full and a fork, that good people!

The cherry preserves were well worth the time and effort as well, yet did not make as much as I had hoped...only three small 12 oz. jars, while a double batch of the relish made five and a half quarts. Did not stop me from licking the side of the bowl with a spatula like a child who has never eaten brownie batter. Both recipes which I used, I am hyperlinking as well. Pictures to be added later this week.

Setting up the school year with my first student teacher, D.W....yes, I love it...just like the Arthur series, I am enjoying myself very much. She is unusually quiet right now, I take it that she feels like a small fawn who is currently being led into a wide field full of wonderful experiences yet, full of dangers at the same time. She is unfamiliar with district policies, where resources are located and how to navigate a T-drive...(if not a CS educator, sorry for the reference.) It is my responsibility as the wiser and elder doe to teach her how to cautiously yet successfully navigate around this field so that she may reach the other side a fully developed doe ready to take on the valleys ahead in her career. Rather excited yet nerve racking at the same time.

Knowing that school is next Monday...(Yipes!)...for students, I am currently taking this little bit of free time which I have to journey into the world of the mosaics of my heart and piecing together from the ashes of my death and rebirth the woman that I want to become for the future. I am a new woman and creation, truly...over 20 pounds lighter and yet feeling so invigorated for the new chapters which I am penning even now. The first, is that I have "Gone Red for Public Ed." For those who are not in the public education world, wearing red on Tuesdays is a symbol that you support public education. I have taken it to the next level. I am wearing red day and night for the next 6-8 weeks...how? I went from blonde bomb to sassy strawberry! Not the bright strawberry, more of a strawberry blonde, something, Julia Roberts'eque in my mind...(oooohhhh....oooohhhh....Pretty Woman!) The confidence factor I have been feeling the past week has been wonderful. I am taking the time and effort to try the things that I wanted to yet never felt free enough to try. Even as lame as making relish and black cherry preserves to coloring my hair strawberry blonde the week before school starts. Hello World, Meet the New Erin Meyer!

Currently, my NEW life is being fashioned. It is amazing to see the mosaic which God is creating in my life with the gathering of the shards left of the old life. This new heart which is full of wonder and praise simply wants to honor Him. I will not cease to be in awe at the tapestry he is weaving with the new life that I am creating for myself and continue to seek my Saviour's will in my artistic life's journey.

I have begun on my own, Beth Moore's Esther, It's Tough Being a Woman as well as finishing, "Made to Crave". Made to Crave was something hard for me to start, it was about turning to God rather than to food for comfort. Yet as I delved into the chapters and really took time to peel away at my own thought and food patterns I found that I was cleaning my garden from the inside out and weeding out the lies and transforming myself mentally for the challenge of living a life of maintaining. Lysa Terkeurst really hit this nail on the head with multiple statements thought the book which I have found very powerful. Below, I am going to compose a paragraph simply compiled with her wisdom.

"Getting healthy is not just about having faith, goodness and knowledge. We have to add to that foundation by choosing to be self-controlled and choosing to persevere even when the journey gets hard. We can step on the scale and accept the numbers for what they really are-an indication of how much our body weighs,-and not an indication of our worth. (When someone makes an off comment about another being overweight at 156 lbs...something I would never be...I remind myself...) That statement didn't belong to me. That statement wasn't my issue. I had a choice to make. I could feed that comment and let it grow into an identity crusher; or I could see it for what it was, a careless comment. Saying it's not fair has caused many a girl to toss aside for what she knows to be right for the temporary thrill of whatever it is that does seem fair. And then comes the anger. Anger at herself, anger at the object of her desire (chocolate peanut butter pretzels). Anger even at a might God who surely could have prevented this. I realized that a pity part was a clue I was relying on my own strength, a strength that failed me before, and would fail me again. I am made for more, I am made for victory. Compromise build upon compromise is failure. What if it's actually the very thing, if brought under control that can lead us to a better understanding of God? If I could go to food and never gain an ounce, then what would I need God for? Food was never meant to fill the deepest places of our hearts, that was made for God alone, as well as tying our happy to the wrong thing sets us up for failure every time. Victory is possible sisters, bot by figuring out how to make this an easy process, but my choosing-over and over and over and over again-the absolute power of God's truth. Eventually, I will be able to add some things back in my lifestyle in small quantities, But not yet. All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial. So I am not on a diet, I am on a journey with Jesus to learn the fine art of self discipline for the purpose of holiness. This is why at this point it is a spiritual journey and not a diet. Idolatry, in the case of food, means the consumption of ill sized portions and unhealthy choices because we feel like we deserve or need it to feel better. Some actions are not sinful in themselves, but they are not appropriate because they can control our lives and lead us away from God. (Ouch...Thanks for calling out my college years with nightly ice cream runs to Sonic, Braums and DairyQueen.) God told us to be faithful with the bodies we'd been given. We're always one choice away from reversing all the progress we have make. Victory isn't a place that we arrive at and relax. Victory is when we pick something healthy over something not beneficial for us. And we maintain our victories with each next choice. But a victory won't stay for long if I start resisting and disliking her essential requirements of sacrifice and repentance. The most dangerous place for a diet success story is hitting your goal weight, a blessing entangled with a curse. All God's girls have issues. All of us. We haul around a bucketful of issues, mine may be different then yours, but it is a bucket none the less. I can make the choice to identify my shortcomings and instead of using them against myself, hand then over to Jesus and let his chisel my rough places. The grade-filled way that Jesus chisels is so vastly different the the way that I beat on myself. My beatings are full of lies and deceit, HIS chiseling is full of truth and freedom. My victory is not tied as much to the way I've changed physically as the way I have overcome mentally and spiritually. Yes, I have lost pounds and inches, but not being weighed down mentally and spiritually by the constant feeling of defeat is the real victory. (Personal) victory is the sum total of a whole lot of Wise decisions and sacrificial decisions, that are made choice by choice, day by day. Yes, knowing a reward awaits you is crucial."

The Land of Beginning Again*

Not many individuals are privileged as much as I to be allowed the opportunity to "Begin Again". et here I am, back home in Olathe with Betsy and her dog Lexi, trying to relive my life and finding that the new me has wonderful changes and new challenges to face. New challenges that are arising from all of this journey include…insomnia, budgeting what clothes do I really need for teaching and various adventures for the next month, a body that wants desperately to get back to the gym…but a bum knee and extreme heat making the journey very difficult. One of the new changes that I have is shopping for new clothes! Yes! And yet at the same time…NO!!! This will be about the 7^th or 8^th entire wardrobe overhaul that I have done in the past 5 years…while I do adore getting new items, new items come with a cost. In spite of that, I am loving the new me! I do not have a massive overhang of skin on my belly anymore, and my arms do not wave at people after I ceased the action. Praise the Lord for the lovely ladies at Dillard's, Mary and Carol who helped me get the new compression items I need…yes, I am currently sleeping in compression bras and spanx in 103 degree weather…and to clearance sales around the city that I am hitting up to jump start the journey.

With starting anew, one thing that I have been focusing on after doing some reading during recovery is not to mindlessly eat. When I did Weight Watchers, I "tracked" my points each day and ate even when I was not necessarily hungry because I had the points to do it. Betsy was wise enough to point this out to my one day. She noted that I might be eating even though I was not hungry simply because I could, not because I was truly hungry. This paired with the books, Made to Crave, Mindless Eating in addition to the Omnivore'sDilemma as well as In Defense of Food has caused me to do some serious reflection (which I am an expert at) on the new Erin Meyer and the eating habits and actions to face while I am unable to exercise and ease my body back into a routine. (I have a tendency to really push myself too much.) One of the focuses for the new self is to eat when I am truly hungry and stop when I am satisfied or full, not going to seconds unless I was at a buffet and did a "tasting" round before, and making sure to eat more organically as well as local farm products. Below is my Aunt Margie's Super Skinny South Beach Salad…amazing stuff!

I would love to admit that I am a master at health and know all there is on the topic, but I do not. So to further improve my knowledge for the health of my body, budget and local community I am making an effort to stop at the roadside farm stand and spend the $3 lb. on some produce even when I know it is cheaper at the Hy-Vee. Why? That is wasteful one my ask…that depends on your view of wasteful and unwise. In the long run, I am making more of an impact by helping our local economy through local farmer who is working to sustain the environment by growing and selling his own foods. Not that I am cutting out going to the store. I still love Whole Foods, Trader Joe's and Hy-Vee's health market. I am just trying to support the local community through local farms in my neighborhood. It is a little thing, may cost me more, but I know that I am making a difference. The KC community has done the same with me…buying cookbooks from a local girl rather than going online and printing something or heading to the nearest Border's Books store liquidation sales event. I am deeply touched with the turnout at Hy-Vee on July 16 and am very excited to go to Prairie Life in Overland Park on August 4 from 5-8 PM for the Shoppin' for Joplin event!

Another area of beginning again is my attendance at Lenexa Baptist Church. I went there last summer and again at the start of this past summer and very much was challenged by the sermon an d left excited for the week ahead in my faith. I hate to admit that for a woman who went to parochial school my entire life, that getting me fired up can take a great deal, but some days it seems like 13 years of Christian school coupled with chapel services once a week, youth groups, vacation Bible school, Jesus camps, etc…that getting my passion back for what should have never waned in the first place does take some cultivation. Yet, here I am excited to leave the sanctuary on Sunday and go and start up my journey again in the challenge of refining my being as more for Christ. My brother Sam was very instrumental in helping my find what I was looking for in a church, asking thoughtful questions to get to the root cause of what was making me skittish. Once that root was identified, he helped me replant and cultivate what I should really be searching for rather than keeping something I liked at arm's length because I was uncomfortable with a piece of it. Amazing how I do this, keep things at bay that make me nervous.

In keeping with beginning again, the school year will be starting in less than a week for me as an educator. Hard to believe that the journey with a new group of students is rapidly approaching with them coming in two weeks time; I am not over missing my last flock of sheep, and another fold is being shepherded into my classroom in a mere thirteen days. How time quickly leaves its mark and then dashes away.

Additions to the Meyer family are also coming along in the next two weeks, my tenderhearted cousin Steven his getting ready to marry his best friend, Tiffany Lynn. I am very excited to welcome Tiffany into the family; she is getting a pretty sweet deal if I do say so myself…I think the Meyer Clan is a bunch of fun. Below are some of the photos from the bachelorette party.

Aunt Margie's Super Model Skinny South Beach Salad

This salad gets better the longer it sits in the dressing. Make the night before and let the herbs in the dressing work their natural magic in the fresh vegetables. My Aunt Margie makes this great salad at every Graham family party. It is a family favorite….as Tevya from Fiddler on the Roof would say…Tradition! Tradition!

Ingredients

• 1 bunch of broccoli - cut into bite size florets


• 1 head of cauliflower – cut into bite size florets


• 1 can of black olives – drained and rinsed


• ½ bag of carrots – cut into bite sizes


• 1 bunch of scallions – chopped fine

Dressing

• 1 package of Good Seasons Dry Italian or Zesty Italian Dressing


• 1 bottle of Italian Dressing – Margie uses the Kraft South Beach due to the high olive oil content, feel free to use any light or fat free kind.

Procedure

• In a very large bowl with a lid, combine all of the rinsed and chopped vegetables.


• Sprinkle the Good Seasons dry dressing over the vegetables and toss.


• Pour the bottle of light Italian dressing over the salad.


• Gently toss the vegetables and let chill for at least 8 hours.

Whole white mushrooms or baby bellas quartered would also be a fun addition.

*There is a poem by Lolita Hiroshi by this very title in case you're interested in reading it.

Clipped the Old Wings, but this Bird is Soaring Higher than Ever!

Last Tuesday morning at 6:30 am, my momma drove me to Heartland for the second and currently, the final procedure for the Summer Season in my transformation. I checked in, left a massive tray again of cookies and overflowing fruit basket for the staff as a HUGE Thank-You for all that they have done for me...the least I can do for two half price hospital procedures is duo cookie trays and fruit baskets.

I was road mapped again this time on my arms and chest by the amazing Dr. K prior to being wheeled back down the hallway and counting backwards from ten. When I awoke four hours later, I was two pounds lighter but struggling with the immense pain. I do believe that my arm-chest lift was harder than the body lift. I did not rebound in the hospital as well as I had hoped. I was unable to reach the call button, get my own drink or feed myself for two days. It was so humbling lying in the hospital bed after it all. The opportunity to experience life with no arms for a few days and was miserable. A deeper understanding for people without the use of their upper body or missing limbs really hit home for me. Darah, my amazing nurse from the first procedure explained that since I had just underwent a major surgery two weeks prior, I was not fully recovered making a second major surgery more of a challenge. I am restricted to wearing front closure soft cups for six to eight weeks. Where on Earth would I find this? My parents searched Target, Wal-Mart, Dillard's and Kohl's looking for items to no avail while I slept under a veil of anesthesia. Mom and I tried a venture to Macy's on Monday evening and for a mere $36 each...(gulp!) I found what I needed. The sales associate commented my lovely jacket which I get to wear for the next two weeks and immediately asked if I was a breast cancer survivor since she had to wear one after her reconstruction. I congratulated her on her survival and being free of the sickness which ravages many women and told her no, just had a lift in the arms and chest. Another opportunity to experience "stepping into someone else's shoes." As quoted by Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mocking Bird.

The recovery at home is a 100% improvement each day from the day before. One day I can move my arms and sign my name, the next tie my hair back and feed myself, make my own meals and push a shopping cart, start making meals again and so on. When seeing Dr. K today he was please with the way the incisions were healing since I am only a week out. He mentioned that I was allowed to start walking for exercise up to an hour a day. Those of you that know me well understand that I am a gym rat at this point in my life and I am severely missing my daily time in addition to sessions with Drew. Luckily, I get text updates from him and will be allowed back in on August 1; unluckily, no personal training cleared for most of August. Sigh!

I did make on Sunday a salad which my awesome Aunt Deby had made for the fourth of July...with the exception of the regular tomatoes rather than cherry since that is what was in my parent's fridge. I lightened it by using less olive oil and fat free feta cheese rather than regular. If interested in the recipe, it is listed below!

I also had the blessing of Jenna and Jesse Roskilly, my best friend and her husband, kidnapping me and taking me to lunch at the Salty Iguana prior to me seeing my sweet cousin Greta, and her ever more lovely daughter Dei-Dei and baby Trixie from Jetmore, Kansas. I love it when I get to see them and hear about their garage chickens and organic gardening adventures.

One week out, how am I feeling overall? Sore! I attended one of my best friend's weddings on Saturday under the okay from Dr. K. (I told her that even if I sat there in a bathrobe, in NO WAY would I miss her wedding day.) The reason for this was my procedure got bumped up a week or I could wait until the school year started...teacher's everywhere like me would opt for NO Sub planning for six weeks and just doing it in the summer. Unfortunately, this meant that while I was set to attend her wedding with no problems before, now I would be out of surgery a mere four days before she wed. This was a bit of a stretch, but a cocktail of Oxicotin supplemented with Codine allowed for smiles. I was ambushed by lots of hugs at the wedding and while people tried to just gently pat, as the night wore on and wine flowed freely for them…not me, squashing Erin occurred more frequently. Worth it for my Laura Love. Congratulations my sweet friend!

Yet in spite of the pain, for the first time in 20 years, I am able to look in the mirror and feel that I am lovely. It may seem vain, but when you have lived your entire life as an obese person, then to have a body of a 90 year old woman at the age of 27, to have the outside reflect the love and kind heart which many know exist on the inside was never manifested, until Today at 1:30 pm. The swollen image of the phoenix rising from my old life was what I saw Dr. K revealed my new set of wings.

The exciting thing is that now, I can begin to soar to the new heights which before, I limited myself to because I was ashamed of my body and the way it appeared due to my own self mutilation of food. I have a new set of jeans and shirt which I am thrilled to venture out on Saturday and wear to Hy-Vee at 135th and Brougham in Olathe for the Health Fair. Hopefully, I will see you dear friend as I start to begin my wobbly attempt as a newborn bird, spreading my wings to fly to new valleys and mountains which I never dreamed before.

Mediterranean Tomato, Cucumber and Feta Salad with Fresh Mint and Thyme Dressing

This salad gets better the longer it sits in the dressing. Make the night before and let the herbs work their natural magic in the fresh vegetables.

Ingredients

• 3 large tomatoes chopped into large bites – or use 2 pints of grape tomatoes and cut into halves.


• 2 very large cucumbers


• 6 green onions, finely chopped, greens and whites included.


• 1 cup of fat free feta cheese – I like the PRESIDENT brand, it is found in the deli section of your grocery store. – I buy the large container


• ¾ cup of kalmata olives, cut in half, lengthwise – these are found in the deli section or with the olives and pickles aisle.


• Zest of one lemon
  

Dressing

• Juice of one lemon – about ¼ cup


• ¼ cup of Extra Virgin Olive Oil


• 1 TBSP of Thyme – If using fresh, about ¼ of a cup, finely chopped


• 1 tsp of black pepper


• ½ tsp. salt


• ¼ cup of fresh mint leaves finely chopped – if you do not have fresh mint, feel free to leave out.

Procedure

• On a cutting board, remove the white core of the tomatoes. Slice, then chop into large bites no bigger than a nickel or quarter size. Place into a large mixing bowl.


• With a vegetable peeler, remove the skin from the cucumbers and then slice them length wise. Using a spoon, scrape the seeds from the cucumber and discard them.


• Return cucumber halves to the cutting board and slice each half length wise a second time and proceed to dice into bite size chunks. Repeat for the green onions and add both the cucumber bites as well as green onions to the tomatoes.


• Add the feta and kalmata olive to the tomato and cucumber mix.


• In a small separate bowl, combine all of the dressing ingredients and whisk together for about 20 seconds.


• Pour dressing over the salad mixture then gently toss together.


• Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and allow the salad to sit for a few hours to chill.
  

This salad will serve about 8-10 people is using 1 cup servings, I usually eat 2 cups for lunch with fresh hummus and whole wheat pita or a Flat Out Wrap.

The Phoenix Begins the Rise from the Surgical Flames...

Bleary eyed and bushy haired, I walked into Heartland Surgical Specialty Hospital, at 6 AM on Monday, June 20th. Linda Wagar and John the camera man were greeting me as well as all of the "public relations" crew to make sure the staff was represented well. An hour and a half later, after being marked all over with a purple surgical pen...loving I called it my road map to a New Me, poked and weighed a few times, I do not even recall being rolled down the hallway to surgery or having the surgical mask put on me.


When I awoke from the anethesia dream later on last Monday afternoon, I did not know what had ran over my mid-section. I am flat like a pancake...seriously! I now after 27 years of dieting and now post weight loss, I have a "flat tummy!" I have a scar now "saw"ing me in half. I joked with my mother's bridge group on Sunday afternoon that I am the girl the magician cut in half and sewed back together again. I will have this awe inspiring scar for my entire life, and if you know me, you know that I LOVE a good scar because a scar is a story waiting to be told. I also have a new belly button because my original one was removed with the fifteen pounds of excess skin which the doctor removed during the six and a half hours of surgery.

When I arose from the bed, after quite a struggle, last Monday, I was told to press my hand to my stomach to hold everything in. Ironically, I pressed my hand where my old stomach had been, a good six-eight inches awary from where it is presently. A strange feeling since I now seem to rub my belly like a preggers lady and waddle like one too. This is mainly for the comfort which rubbing my stomach gives me from the sore tissues and the scar. I wear a giant spanx like leotard from the knees to my chest compressing all of me together for the next month. Then regular spankx for two weeks...not away from them yet. I now understand why some pups love these rubs...uh...THEY FEEL AWESOME! Yes, it is official, I do love a good belly rub.

I walked the hallways of the surgical center multiple times that night and the next day to practice for strength purposes. I am excited to admit which it was a challenge I feel like I was able to do really well with it. Later on, I talked with my Aunt Laurie, Jenna and Betsy on the phone but unfortuantely, I do not recall most of the conversations...the call history was the only teller as well as my mother later...I was "anethestic dialing" apparently...nurses and doctors everywhere shake their heads at this cultural taboo which strikes patients in a post surgical state.

Once home later the next morning, I was miserable from pain for the first few days. After Thrusday then I went down to only Tylenol - pain is more manageable now. While it is far from gone, it is something which I am confident in dealing with for the next week. The drain tubes of which Ihave four, have been more of a beast to deal with than anything else, simply because they are painful, in the way and needing to be emptied and documented every six hours.

Overall, for the past few days, I have been doing amazing! I have been able to make my own breakfast for the past few days, oat bran with sugar free syrup-coffee, and fresh strawberries. In addition to this, my parents have a split level home to which I am able to go up and down the stairs with confidence multiple times daily. I have gone to the grocery store with my mom on Sunday and Friday evenings plus had the pleasure of pushing the cart for stability reasons with my walking. I was able yesterday to walk around the neighborhood with my mom. The doctor is amazed with how well I am doing, he said it is because of my diet and exercise habits coupled with being very motivated that has allowed the swift recovery so far.

I went to the doctor again yesterday, Tuesday, June 28 and had the incision tape removed as well as my four drains. Luckily, a drain I thought was possibly infected was only severely bruised and no antibiotics needed to be started. John and Linda came back over to talk with me at my parents home about surgery, recovery and see me try on a few items post surgery. Given how swollen I am currently, trying on clothes was a bit of a challenge, but I did fit into a size 12 jeams and a medium top. These are goals which I never imagined I would be able to accomplish.

I did tell John and Linda about an exciting event which Hy-Vee at 135th and Brougham in Olathe is hosting on July 16th with me...a health fair called, "Living the Dream". I will have a booth promoting cookbook sales to offset surgery cost as well as vendors from around the Health Market such as Smart Chicken and other organic offerings. The chef and dietician on staff will be offering my recipes as samples and cooking them fresh in addition to a Kids Boot Camp for getting healthy and making lifestyle changes! How exciting is that! :) I was so touched that they wanted to jump on board with me and help create an event! Come check it out, this will be one of the first outings with my "new self".

A huge shout out of THANKS to the follow fabulous individuals this past week whom have made my recovery run so smoothly...Mom and Dad, seriously, I hope to God that I never have to do to you all that you have had to do for me these past five years, you show me what it is to have true, unconditional love for a child. Lindsay Murphy for coming and babysitting me on Thurs while my parents were at work and the dentist...seriously, girlie, I Love You!!! My Aunt Laurie for calling and checking in on me during the week and keeping the family in the loop with the recovery process, Thanks! Ashley and Brandon Clark for making me Ashley's Awesome Bakery Worthy Cookies, which she was kind enough to share, in addition to pulled pork, meatballs and spinach dip...eatin' well while healin. The Meyer Aunties for a stunning bouquet of flowers...what every girl needs! Laura Love and Jenna Benna for calling and checking in almost daily to make sure I was alright. Shirley Brogna for sending a care package full of great reading materials! Talk about feelin' the love this past week!

Twas the Night Before Surgery...

Twas the night before surgery and all through the house,

A young woman was cooking and preparing her blouse.

The bag was all packed and the prayers were all said.

She could not comprehend the image she was to become in her head.

The family gathered round the table and prayed.

Together they gave thanks for the hospital bills to be paid.

Her mother asked for the surgeon to have skill,

Inwardly her daughter hoped she would not awake ill.

Her father gave praise for how far she had come,

And thanked the good Lord for the transformation done.

Brother Sam called from California and encouraged his sister's heart,
He was ever encouraging and asked for her to finish the work that God the Father did start.

Erin gave praise for the work of God's hand,

and the constant provision in her land.

And you sweet friend, can do the same,

Ask God above for wisdom and guidance of the workers even though you know not their name.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me running my booth at Hy-Vee with my Aunt Betsy and Uncle Bill coming to offer support!

The awesome gift basket and cookies I made for the staff at Heartland Surgical Center...

See a new me in a few weeks!

Surgery #1 - Tomorrow

Surgery #2 - July 5th - It was moved up one week!!! Yikes

Thyme to Embrace Change...

The ending of the school year was the closure to a chapter in the lives of my students for the year which we had together, a blissfully wonderful year in my book. The kind of chapter which I hope to have penned multiple times over in my life, just with different lives being intertwined. Saying a sweet adu to those loves was the begining of a transitonal time for me as well for them. Them, as they now have a chance to enjoy a summer of sunkissed glows from days by the pool and afternoons spent playing basketball with the kid next door, walking to the local ice cream shoppe and licking sticky sweet fingers drizzled with melted sugared cream. These are the memories which they will look back upon and smile.

Time in a bottle, it is sung about, reflected upon and something which many people wish they could bottle up. I had such a time this past month. Time in a bottle was what it seemed to be for me with going to the T-Bones game with one of my highschool friends, Jenn Laffler. We sat there, shared what the Lord was doing in each of our lives and talked about boys, Weight-Watchers and overcoming trials which neither of us foresaw in our lives ten years prior. As we sat there, it was easy. Easy as in, even though I had not seen Jenn in nearly a year, we simply picked right back up where we left off...there was no time that had passed.

That same week I came about in Summer Conference for Olathe and discussed different levels of education and ideas with fellow educators. I had the chance to collaborate and dicuss about new ideas and practices which were going to be occuring in our school, district, state and nation with policies and standards for the upcoming year. I was excited to hear about what positive ideas other educators have done and tried in their community to advance changes. I am very excited about the rolling out of Common Core Standards for our contry.

Changes continue to happen as I went to Wichita last week for the bridal shower and bachelorette party of one of my sorority sisters, and dear friend, Laura Craven. I had been working tirelessly the previous week typing up all of my recipes and compling them into a notebook for Laura as her gift. Then it hit me, why not make Laura's wedding shower gift your fundraiser for surgery?! That dear one is exactly what I did. When I gave Laura her gift at the shower on Saturday, I was so proud of what I had made. It was one of those projects which I had worked so hard on, that to see it in her hands was really special for me. I know she will appreciate all the time and effort which I had spent working on it.

Thyme to Lose It! Is the title of the cookbook which I am using to fundraise at this point. I have been shipping and mailing copies all over Kansas this past week and I even have a table this Saturday at Hy-Vee off of 135th and Broughm to sell copies for $20 each to fundraise for surgery. (Feel free to click on the link and order one!) I am very thankful to the sales which have already happened...Thank You to each of you who have helped to fund my surgery which is THIS Monday, June 20th at 7:30 AM. I will recover for the first week at my parents home in Overland Park, and after that, I will simply have to see how my recovery is going prior to moving back into Betsy's. Feel free to come on over and drop by and see me...or just turn on the news.

Fox 4 is coming to the townhouse this Friday to inverview me prior to surgery as well as watch me cook a recipe or two from my book to help with the fundraising. (Still need about $5,000 to raise.) Then, they will come on Monday morning to film the surgery. YIKES! Not quite how I saw all of this rolling out, but truly, if God wanted this to be done without the entire KC Metro area knowing, HE could have done it that way.

It is hard to believe that the change is here...in less than five days, I will be meeting the new Erin Marie Meyer, the woman whom I have been transitioning towards for a few years...some years it seems that I look the Summer to find myself, myself is found, now it is just a matter to turning over my health to the Lord and thanking Him for the Phoenix he is allowing me to become. It is now my time, my moment to shine and embrace the change.

Once Upon A Dream…

A few months ago, many of you read my entry about running the race of life for the crown in heaven with the comparison to myself running my first 5k…continuing the entry of running, I have had two very busy weekends in a row. The first was last weekend, when I ran my first 10K. Again, as mentioned in a previous entry, my goal this next year is to run a half marathon by the time my 28^th birthday rolls around. In order to achieve this goal, I have had to set up mini-goals along the way and check myself to make sure that I am able to achieve them. The Heart and Sole race was in Olathe, KS last weekend, and I had some of my most supportive cheerleaders present…my students and coworkers. We met together prior to the race and then went through the check-points of the first leg together. Nothing was more uplifting to me then to run with my community and Countryside family. Cheering on Matthew as he ran and other Cardinals and calling their name, patting parents on the shoulder and cheering on my team really brought the memory home that we all can achieve what we set out to do when there is the right amount of work and praise involved. I knew this to be true when my team stopped after the first 5k and I continued on up the hill for the second round. I seemed to hit a steady pace as I ran and I thought about my kiddos. I saw their sweet faces as I ran. I thought about how proud they were of me and wanted me to be able to achieve what I told them I wanted to do…a 10k. I started crying when I came over the crest of a hill and I saw my friend Katie who is at Central filming me run the final leg…I could not resist calling out one of my favorite verses…"I can do ALL things through Christ whom gives me strength!!!" – Philippians 4:13…moments later, my students Hunter, Molly and Brandon jumped from the curb and ran the race home with me. They wanted to share my accomplishment and show their support. There is something incredibly special about the love of a child…the simple faith which they have in you and how a child is willing to move mountains with their ability to show their love. Never having had the joy of my own children, I experience this through my students. I was later transported to the verse in Mark 10:15, "Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, will not enter it." This same love and trust my students pour out onto me each day, my heavenly Father daily gives to me as well; it is just a matter of me receiving it.

Mother's Day was Sunday last and my mother, father and I all went to Avenues Bistro in the Mission Farms area for brunch. Truly, a brunch worthy of a meal off of my tracking and planning…caramel pecan sticky rolls, Grand Marnier drenched strawberry French toast, coconut macaroons, champagne & chocolate covered strawberries, lobster ravioli, shrimp cocktail, scallops seared to perfection and the Roasterie Coffee brewed blissfully on the bar. Not only was the brunch impressive, but the atmosphere was relaxed and service impeccable! Our server was wonderful, the kind of server that was more like a friend hosting a dinner party rather than a wait staff member, plus the manager came around and talked with every table. It is the little things which make the dining experience for me build to a crescendo of praise…food, service, atmosphere and price. Avenues Bistro is by far the most wonderful location for a special occasion brunch. If you have not experienced this hidden gem, next time you have the opportunity, make this local treasure your stop.

On Monday of two weeks past, I met with Dr. Korentager, the plastic surgeon with KU Medical Center who will be performing my procedures for the body lift, arm lift for my "new" form this summer. It was surreal sitting in the office and talking with him and his staff. For the first time in my life, a doctor has looked at me and said, "You're healthy Erin. The BMI scale does not apply to you at the moment. It is obvious that you are healthy." I needed to hear that from a medical professional. I have been told for over 27 years that I am "overweight", "obese" and "morbidly obese" that the term, "healthy" has never entered a conversation between me and my doctors. It was reassuring that maybe, just maybe, the medical profession sees that there needs to be some changes in the way that we view human health and wholeness. After talking for two hours, we set the dates for my two surgeries here this summer. Body lift in mid-June, Arm-Chest Lift in Early-Mid-July. I was told how much I would have to pay personally for each of the surgeries that I am in need of…about $7700 for June and $6800 for July. One thing that people have not realized is that while the doctor is not charging me, I still have to pay everyone else and the hospital. The funds have to come in by June 9^th…hence why I had to create a fundraising page…Super (role) Model.

That same evening, the show aired on Fox 4 Problem-Solvers. (Click on the underlined link in case you would care to watch.) I hosted a mini-watch party at the Other Place in Olathe, (where Betsy and I do karaoke) and had some wonderful family and dear friends come and offer support for the transformation occurring in my life. The next morning, I talked with Drew about it at the gym. It was weird to watch myself on the screen. I thought the entire time…"Is that really me? Is that how I really look?" I am still baffled when I see myself, I wonder, is that me? I know that reconditioning of the brain can take 1 month for each year of life…with this in mind, I could easily be over 30 years of age when I finally realize, yes, this is the new me. Positive reimaging self talk has already been started on my end…Drew and my wonderful family and friends have been supportive as well. I know that I do not see it yet, but I am starting to.

I continued closing some other chapters in my life last week with walking for my master's degree in curriculum instruction at ESU. My brother Sam flew in for the occasion and we went out as a family for lunch afterwards...the "Classic Cup" on the Country Club Plaza was my choice because online they were registered as having one of the best carrot cakes in the city. Of course, this in my mind would be the perfect ending to the hard work I put in. The Louisiana Shrimp and Grits I had for lunch there was superb, my carrot cake, lacking. I was hoping for more cinnamon and possibly a hint of nutmeg. Overall, the food and experience was wonderful, my dad got raspberry peach cobbler with crème fresh which was a little piece of what I envision Paula Deene would welcome a dear friend in with for cards and a catch up. I feel that my carrot cake cupcakes from Cooking Light is better, if you want to try it, click on carrot cake, but do google Ina Garten's cream cheese frosting, very bad for you, but sooo good on these cupcakes, (bake in 18 muffin tins for about 30 min. at 325 degrees…also, add in 1 tsp of pumpin pie spice, it really does help!) I made this past week for my class along with homemade granola. (about 100 calories per ¼ cup…did not add the brown sugar nor the dried mangoes.)

That same evening, I shared with Sam my concern about raising $14,000 within a month and not knowing quite what to do. I told him that I felt like the Lord has placed on my heart that I was to help someone else I knew fundraise first and part with a large sum which I had saved. I told Sam that I really hoped I could get in contact with this person later on this week, as I had already called twice and got no response, but also my concern about meeting my own goal now. Sam gave me the encouragement that I was to keep reaching out. I told him that Matthew 6:25-26 was my focus of the past week and that the Lord was really working in my heart about trusting His provision in my life with the story he is having me author, but Him edit. The verse talks about how birds and flowers do not worry about the days ahead and where things will come from, it ends with, how much more does your heavenly Father care about you? He cares so much and truly, I know that my God will supply ALL my needs, not some or partial, but ALL. This was poured out to me later on this past week…I not able to connect with my friend Sarah prior to Thursday, I kept calling and leaving messages, but got nothing back. Wednesday night, I sat in the parking lot of WaterWay waiting while my car filled and said to the Lord, "I did my part, I keep calling, but there is no answer. I thought You wanted me to give…and I am trying, but I cannot give, if there is no answer." Right then, a peace which I cannot explain washed over me, and I felt a calm that was, "Keep It." What? Seriously God? Are you sure, because I want your will, not my own in my life. I felt again the peaceful feeling, "Keep It." I called my mom, (of course!) immediately and shared what had happened, we both thought, well, maybe I am being tested…am I willing to part with my fundraising need to help another? I was hit full force the next morning at my mailbox on plan time. Thank Jesus that David was checking his mail and getting coffee with me at the same time, I was taken aback when I saw the envelope from Fox 4 in the school box. It was an anonymous letter signed, "Your Friend" with $1400 cash in hundreds inside. I started bawling right there, and not little tears, this was, OMG YOU DID WHAT FOR A STRANGER!? I shared with David that this was much like Abraham being asked by God in Genesis 22 to give up his only son and trust Him to provide a sacrifice.

Does the Editor of my faith end the week there…NO! God continued to awe-inspire me even more as I drove to Wichita for my roomie from the sorority…Happein' Hadley's bachelorette party and bridal shower. I finally connected with Sarah and had a good catch up as I drove. I shared with her what God had done, and she said, you want to know what is even cooler Meyer? I felt that I was not to answer your calls and take your funds this week. You were the only person who offered to give whom I felt that God said, No, you are not to take it. We both got goose-bumps as we talked on the drive about how the Lord was working in both are fundraising efforts because she is fully funded without my aid. How Great Is Our God?! I told her that I thought the Lord would do something big on the trip because she did not take it and followed what she thought the Lord spoke to her heart. She shared that she sees the Lord working big things for me as well. I explained to Sarah that I am trusting fully that as long as I continue to follow what I believe I am to do for the Bigger Picture in Mind by God that He will continue to guide and make my path straight…as in Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding (because truly, I do not always understand) and in ALL your ways submit to Him and HE will make your path straight." Childlike faith is all that my God asks of me, to blindly understand that somehow, HE will accomplish HIS work even if I do not understand the way HE makes the storyline turn.

Seeing my sorority sisters and the supportive family that ASA has been for me with sisterhood through the years, I am blessed to know so many amazing Apples of God's eye. Elissa's shower was such a blast. We did the toilet paper bride and her grandmother was the winner. Seeing an eighty year old woman wrapped in Charmin ultra soft and carrying a bouquet of cardboard rolls was pretty funny. Later on going out to celebrate "She's had it with Hadley, she'll be Ternes now" was a reminder of what sisterhood is…showing up and celebrating the life and love of each other. We visited Old Town and ran into old friends from college as we went from stop to stop. Later this morning, Jenna, Laura, Sarah Jo and I finished some invites for the bachelorette party to happen in a few weeks for Laura Craven, it was exciting to celebrate the friendships which I have been blessed to accrue and discuss an idea of a sisterhood retreat as adults like an annual trip each summer together…much like something I could see the Red Hat's club or Ya-Ya!'s doing.

A third and final chapter which I am a mess of Kleenex debris is closing this week as well. My fifth grade loves are leaving me on Tuesday morning. Do NOT bring it up, because I know that I will start crying. I could have never imagined as class like this one. A class where you bring up new learning and the response is…"Yeah! We get to stretch our brains today!" J How could anyone NOT want to teach such passion for learning? Saying good-bye tomorrow night at the end of the year will be bittersweet for me. I know that I cannot hold them forever, they need new challenges and opportunities for growth that I am not qualified (yet) to give, but I cannot help but be sad to watch them walk out my door on Tuesday. As Drew told me at the start of August, "Enjoy it Erin, but remember, it will end…it may be May, but remember, it it will end." The truth of the matter is, it is ending, and I am so grateful that I got the best gift of all, a full year to invest in 24 young lives. Truly, their parents gave me a "borrowed" gift, and I simply have to pass the gift along.

To end it all, I feel like once, years ago, I had a dream, and God has given me the gift of living it out each day, to which I have no idea the lives which I get to impact. The inspirational thing is that new dreams are currently being mulled over in my mind and heart these past few weeks. I am so ever grateful that I not only get to walk out the dreams in my heart, but I have not let the dreams of the past die nor lost the ability to dream. New dreams are being created as I see the fulfillment of dreams of the past. Just as the Disney song from my favorite princess, Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) once sang, "I know you I walked with you once upon a dream, I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam. Yet I know its true, that visions are seldomd though they seam; but if I know you, I know what you'll do, You'll love me at once, the way you did once, upon a dream." Dreams and visions are seldom fulfilled, yet once, I had a dream, God has fulfilled it fully and continues to give new dreams and passions for me to walk out.

The Bigger Picture in Mind…

I know that my God works together all things for the good of those that love Him…according to the purpose to which HE called them…Romans 8:28. This verse has been my lifeline for the past month. I know that surviving that masters classes, my students, balancing work in addition to learning how to accept myself has been a journey. It has been a journey which has yet to run its course, but even still, a process of growth which I would not trade. I have finished reading Beth Moore's book, So Long Insecurity, and while I may not have a complete dominance of this force in my life, I am come to realize that I know more than I choose to let on to. I learned this past month that I have a student whom was adopted, which is an issue extremely close to my heart. In addition, a student, my dear C.G. has come to remind me that, "I Am Loved" daily and that each day when I tell students that I love them in my classroom, while not all tell me that they share that same love in return, many do. How blessed am I? I still have students come a visit me from the previous two years, sell me cookies at dismissal and want to tell me of the latest dances which they have attended and whom they are crushing on in middle school. While I never pictured myself as "that" teacher whom students returned wanting to share their life with, I am thrilled that my previous students want to find me and share their successes with me. I may never fully understand the impact of the lives which are touched, but still, I know that God is at work and has shared HIS light though me with those whom I have interacted with. The Lord know how my life may impact others and that through my answering HIS calling to be an educator fills HIS greater purpose, I may not in the short term of this life know what is occurring.

Keeping this in perspective, I have found that this rings true for my weight loss. I may not fully understand how my story fits in with the larger picture of the lives of those whom I meet, but I do know that the Lord has a reason and calling for me in sharing my journey with food and learning to accept and love myself in spite of a culture obsessed with body image and perfection. I believe one of my greatest compliments came today at my cousin Sarah's wedding today, " I see you as a true Christian, Erin. You show love, and are humble in accepting a compliment. When I think of what a Christian woman looks like, I think of you. You are fabulous!" Me? Really? I know so many other people who have it all together, I do not consider myself to be that person. But, I do know that I have a story, which I will share about a journey which I will make until the day that I die about my struggle with acceptance of myself and of food. I shared today with Nikki, a friend of Betsy's that my favorite part of being a new person is people whom do not know who I am…when it is a family member, it makes it even sweeter. This happened twice at Sarah's wedding. I know that my sweet Jesus Christ has a message for me to share and that is of my Savior saving me from myself at the age of 22 years. I see that while I may not know the lives in which I give impact to, I just show up and live and try to be myself, Christ will work through me to impact others if I will let him.

With this is mind it makes it surreal to know that I have finished my Masters Degree this past week from Emporia State with Curriculum and Instruction as the goal. I know that I have the ability and passion to teach new educators at some point in my life, but that point is not yet today. While my dream is still intact of teaching new educators, my goal of becoming an IRT in my district has shifted. For now, I just want to specialize in being a great 5^th grade educator. This has been made possible through the completion of my project on Donorschoose.org for next year! I have been funded in teaching of a book unit of the literature masterpiece entitled, "Masterpiece" by Elise Broach. An art heist told from the perspective of a beetle! I am ecstatic about sharing my love of art and literature with next year's class, I know that they will embrace and adore this book as much as I do! I am over the moon about sharing this digital project with them. Thank you again to each of you who took the time to donate to my classroom. The bigger picture to keep in mind is that many students do not have the ability to visualize an art heist nor get passionate about it, yet, doing a book study will hopefully help open a door for greater literacy connections.

April has been more than just book funding, it has been one of public education funding. I attended the KNEA Representative Assembly in Topeka, KS a few weeks ago. I listened as I heard about the drastic cuts being made in the arena of public education. Currently, the budget for the state sits at funding public education from $5,000 (appx) to state reps and senators wanting to cut it back to $3,200 per student! This is a cut which would take public ed to a realm before 1992. Are we as Americans that simple minded that we would go back in time nearly 20 years and believe that 20 years ago, there was no internet, home computers, hybrid cars, but the quality of education which public school teachers are to give our future leaders and citizens must remain the same? How can it? All these things would need to leave the classrooms for the education to be what it was that long ago. Yet, as Americans there is an outcry for justice in education and making teachers to bad guys for wanting benefits and equal pay. When other cultures and nationalities around the globe pour money into their priority of public schools such as Finland, China and Switzerland, then yes, where the money is, there the best education will lie. Is it fair? Maybe, maybe not. But it shows where countries have set their priorities and future. If funding of the future is something which Americans do not want, then we will continue in a downward spiral of ignorance leading our decision making. Keep this in the back of your mind as you read, each of us WILL grow older, children and youth WILL replace us, ARE we preparing them for their role as key decision makers or are we leading through ignorance ourselves because we do not see the value of the stock in front of us? We have to keep the bigger picture in mind.

Below is a THANK YOU! to Olive Garden for a Lunch with they brought us for being the top fundraisers for our school Pennies for Patients Drive.

Exiting from school funding and viewing myself, I have been working on a different big picture to keep in mind as I get ready to meet with the plastic surgeon and Fox 4 news on May 9^th. That bigger picture is the new Erin Marie Meyer. Who is she and what is she becoming? I know that I have been struggling with finding out who I am for the past few years really. It seems to me that insecurity with my appearance is what has been the drive within my weight loss for many years. I would use the mental strategy of telling myself that I was too big still and needed to lose more weight. This worked very well to hit the goal weight, but as Betsy and I discussed at SPIN! pizza with friends that the goal weight loss was not a weight that I could maintain, losing 200 pounds is one thing, yet being able to live at that weight was another. It was not a manageable weight for me. I was ALWAYS hungry, grumpy and eating! Since then with BCBS and getting ready to meet with my surgeon, I have been reevaluating myself and the weight and lifestyle which I do believe that I can be and manage long-term, I believe that I have a weight goal in mind to strive for and work with to achieve this. For the first time in my life, I feel as though I know what is a manageable weigh and style of life for me. The bigger picture to keep in mind with the food for me is that now that I have stopped trying to lose weight, and simply manage weight, the understanding of food is changing in my life as well. I am beginning to learn to eat not because I have "points" or "calories" but whether or not I am hungry and listening to my body signals at this point. I have stopped calorie counting this past week and I am going to see how simply listening to my body moves and takes me. While this is not a new way of thinking, it should have been my way of thinking since my childhood; it is a new change for me. Knowing that I am working on fueling my body when it is hungry and the proper diet and nutrition for it, thanks to WW and Clean Eating lifestyle, Betsy and I watched a few documentaries this past weekend on food. One was SuperSize Me-gross! I haven't eaten fast food in 5 years and I am proud to say that I will never eat it again. If I ever am blessed with my own children, they will not eat it from me either. The other was FOOD, inc. I am now starting to phase in organic foods into my diet. I never gave organics or ethic and moral thoughts when it came to eating, yet these things are good to keep in mind. How do I see myself? Well, I am a premium model if I were a car, so if I would want a top performance, then I would need to fuel myself with such an item, this would look like premium products entering my body system. After seeing how chicken, pork and beef was processed, I am now committed to really think about what I eat and where it comes from. I have the bigger picture of myself but also the local agrarian society to help as well. Do I believe that I can make a difference on what products I consume and how I perform?

Finally, the bigger picture of love has been at play. "I would not wish any companion in the world but you." – William Shakespeare, The Tempest, Act 3, Scene 1. My cousin Sarah got married this past weekend. She fell in love with David Fransisco, the server at one of her favorite restaurants. David spoke no English, and Sarah no Spanish. Thus, like any good friend, her best friend went on the first date and interpreted for both of them. Four years later, they were married. It was a sweet ceremony in a traditional Catholic service and church followed by a reception at the Screenland Theaters in Downtown, KC, MO. Sarah was a lovely bride and David a handsome addition to the Graham family. I am excited to see her union but also challenged at the same time. I took the challenge as, stepping out of my box. Sarah and David did not let the barrier of a language stand in the way of their love. It was refreshing to see a couple who wanted to be together in spite of a barrier between them. I was inspired because they both saw that in the course of their lifetime which they will be creating together, they will have bigger challenges then language, but if they truly are committed to one another, then something as small as language is minor in the grand scheme of their lifetime together. (In case you were wondering, I caught the bouquet; I always manage to catch it at the Graham family weddings, first Laurie's back in 9^th grade, then Matt and Michelle's three years ago and now Sarah and David. I think there is a trend here…)

The Lovely Bride and Groom!
Dee-Dee, Myself, Trixie and Greta - My family of cousins from Jetmore, MO.

The good news is that I have the security now to know that my time currently is a gift without a husband and children. This gift has allowed me to travel, attend conferences and become the woman that I am transforming into. I am being sculpted into something special and I have a present to enjoy and it is up to me to enjoy it. Singleness may be something which is happening to me now, but when you really think about how 2/3 of ones life is spent with your mate and children, it is the 1/3 without that is the gift. Like many things in life, once the change has occurred, there is a ripple effect which may never retract. I have yet to have this ripple effect tossed into my pond, this is a gift because I can keep creating many innovations in the garden to which I tend. Keep the bigger picture in mind, the garden to which I tend and grow will always have something new to cultivate and plant. Do you see the bigger picture in mind?