Timing is Everything…

One would think that the older I get the more patient I would learn to become. Why is this difficult thing for me to do? In doing a relationship book study, I have discovered that my number one emotion fear which I am unable to control is "Time". When I cannot control the time or plan, I have anxiety, stress, cranky, and other fun side effects. Yet, while I can control some pieces of time, I am starting to learn from a friend that I need to learn that there will always be something more to get accomplished and I cannot change that. I am constantly discovering that my time is not my own, and I am merely walking out the path that the Lord is setting out before me. As it says in 2 Peter 1:19, "And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts." What exactly is this scripture telling me? It is making me reflect upon the piece that there is one star, Christ and I must continue to seek the guidance of the Lord through the Bible to guidance in my life.

When it comes to patience and my life at the moment, there are a few things which I am learning about myself…

1. I pretend to be patient and that I want to wait, but I my heart I am thinking… "Forget this! Let's just do this thang!"
   
2. Seeking advice and counsel comes easy to me. I want to make people happy, it is one of my emotional needs, however, I cannot make everyone happy, therefore, I can be miserable rather than doing what I feel may be bringing me joy…but is it really joy when others are not happy as well? (Being a People Pleaser is No Bueno!)
   
3. I am indecisive…one minute I feel as though I can scream Heck Yeah from the roof tops and the next slam on the breaks and put up my hand and say, Not Comfortable with This! (Part of the feeling on this is that I feel that I want something right now when really I do not need or have to have something right now…budgeting with money can be tough! (Just sayin')
   
4. I have too many things to do, and I feel guilty taking time for myself. Which is ironic because I have no children or major commitments beyond myself, just the thought of doing something not work related or healthy for me or my family can cause me to stress out if my "list" of to-do's never dwindles and my patience is slow with others.
   
5. I am finding that relationships with other people need to be a higher priority than my weight management. I have discovered that I pushed away people in order to obtain my goals of weight loss and management because I was worried about a number on a scale rather than seeing myself as accepted and loved for who I am.
   

In Psalm 119:34-40, David pens, "Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands for there I will find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gains. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. Fulfill your promise to your servant so that you may be feared. Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good. How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness."

All this said and put behind me, one may be inquiring, why do you place all this on your blog about timing today?

1. I need accountability. If I do not have people holding me accountable to my standards and goals, I know that I will not meet them. It is my nature and I know myself well enough after 28 years to see that I need people to hold my feet to the coals and flames of learning.
   
2. I am at a place where I am not sure where my path may be leading. People magazine has my weight loss story and has been teetering on whether or not to include my story with the Half-My-Size Issue which comes out in January. Weight Watchers selected it once and one editor said no two weeks ago, then a different editor wanted to reopen it last week. Patience is hard when you are wondering if the Lord wants to take your weight loss story and journey to a national not merely local level.
   
3. I am confused about where to start on my teaching career path. Starting a doctorate program is something which I have seriously been interested in doing and looking into for the past few months, and I think I have a program which may be a good fit for me. I am struggling with this because I am unsure about whether now is a good time to begin such a task…especially with the economic state of the nation, working on getting out of debt and my career path.
   
4. What about branching out with love? I am waiting on timing here as well. I feel that I have individuals who I care deeply about in my life yet, I am struggling with the ability to juggle all requirements for my current position, weight management, "publicity potential", and having the support of those who I love more than anything accept the decisions which I am considering.
   

I feel as though I am getting mixed counsel from parents, friends and others. I want to have as Good to Great puts it, "Everyone on the bus moving in the same direction." Timing really is important in life, I want to make sure that my timing is correct, proper and in a place where I am able to bless other rather than causing any issues for the people who I care about most. Besides, my time really is not my own. I am merely a vessel here walking out God's love and joy on this world. I am leaving a legacy on this earth, yet I am not of this world. My prayer since July has been, John 17:24-25 "…be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them and will continue to make you knowing in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."

I just want the time so fleeting as it is to be maximized for the good of God's glory, yet also for the joy of my heart and life.

Learning the Levels of Love

In my last entry in August, prior to the start of September, I did an entry about being a bachelorette and how I was aching to find love in my life and starting to embark upon the sonnets which Shakespeare penned and Elizabeth Barrett Browning composed. How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count the Ways. Were these not the same words put into action by our own Savior more than 2000 years ago when he willingly came to die a blameless life for me upon a cross, and would gladly do it all over again simply to hear me say the words, I choose Christ. There is no greater love then this, that you would lay down your life for a friend.

I have been blessed this past month with starting some new outings and friendships which are challenging me to grow and mature as a fallen woman who is growing in her faith and trust with the Lord daily. One of the things which Proverbs 27:17 talks about is iron sharpening iron to become stronger and more able to take on challenges. I can see how life together with other strong believers has that very impact! In talking and attending various church events and seeing wonderful individuals, I have been forced to confront my own flawed way of viewing love in a gilded light.

The levels of love and the intimacy which can ensue is something which I am starting to slowly grasp my naïve mind around. The Eros side of Love, the passionate love which exists in strong romance coupled with the Philia side of love which is the deep friendships which are created through time and trust. I say naïve in my opening sentence simply because not everyone has had the joy of living a life quite like mine, the life of choosing to remain set apart. This can create some rather interesting conversations on dates when I feel that progression further can be a challenge, especially when the level of love and intimacy which I am searching for is the Agape side of love. For those who are unaware, Agape love which is unconditional and selfless side of love is the base for the strongest relationships. Agape love is unconditional, time and circumstance cannot affect the outcome of the relationship or love bond because there were no conditions prior, simply the act off accepting one another as they are and come.

I do believe that my biggest misconception through my life was that I was unlovable and that I was too much of a person to ever see someone loving a woman as multi-faceted as myself. Ouch, yes, I really did just type that out for the entire world to read. I saw myself as being too overweight, too loud, too tall, too quirky, too meager in finances…etc. The nitty gritty, I saw myself as not enough of a person and having conditions which someone would be looking for me to meet in order to truly love me. HOW Pathetic! Yes, I really have thought that for many, many years. It was through talking with a friend about "Love Dare", "Love Talk", and the "Five Love Languages" that I have been guided to seeing that I never really have loved myself without conditions, making my belief that someone else could show the same love and acceptance as Christ a real challenge.

Part of the happiness project this year is to find the time to invest in others, because I want to and have not had the chance to do just that, maintain the garden of friendships or grow new seedlings of relationships within the walls of my life. I plan to take the time to do just that this year, make relationships a priority. Not only making relationships a priority, but offering the same unconditional and selfless love which Christ has poured out upon my right back to others.

Love which I have experienced this week included, Cole and his family having me over for wine and to share an evening with their life as a family. Gifted photographer Bethany Good taking me to Loose Park for a photo shoot with my new figure to rock my new journey! My father taking me on a daddy daughter date to which I may not have agreed with everything mentioned was a great conversations to have. Meeting my new friend Derrick at the gym each morning and encouraging him and I to continue our healthy lifestyles and shared interests in local culture, food and family. I have even been able to visit Laura and Jenna in Wichita for birthday girl weekend. Overall, I am experiencing love, I just need to be more alert in the moment and allow love to the action of choice as it was this pas t week rather than over analyzing when it will happen and trust that as I live our Agape, my Lord will bring along Eros and Phila love into my life.

And That's When She Became...The Bachelorette!

I do not know many of you our there who were fans of one of my favorite 90's sitcoms, The Nanny, but my tagline this entry is dedicated to...Miss FINE!!! (Can you hear Mr. Sheffield calling down the hall now?)

The Nanny no more, I have given up the evenings of Friday and Saturday post Masters and new Phoenix to take the time to branch out and spread my new wings. One has to when even the plastic surgeon looks you directly in the big brown eyes and says, "You'll never meet anyone lesson planning...at least take it to a bookstore." I know that this advice comes from a place of love and caring about my emotional well-being...making sure that I really do take the oppertunity to put myself out there to meet and greet with love. (Dare-I-Pen-It...Finding Love Is Scary!) I did take the time within the past two weeks to step outside the nest of my classroom to find love, or at least to let love find me.

The M & M's out for the Night with Keith Urban in Tow....

The first Friday Night adventure of the school year was on August 19 to attend Keith Urban with my favorite fifth grade female...Lindsay and her sweet sister, Michelle. We went out to dinner and then sang the night away with our handsome date!

Any other news from the doctor this past week? Well, there were two appointments, both filled with positives and negatives. Positives, I am cleared for swimming exercises and weight lifting, elliptical machines and stationary bikes. Negatives, I am not to go running outside again as my arthritis in the right knee is looking at injections starting in October if not clearning up. I shared my wounded heart with my parents on Saturday that my bucket list goal of running a half marathon would never be completed now. My sweet father, simply placed his strong arms around me and held me in the booth at Olive Garden and said, "Punkin Girl, you have achieved so many other dreams, this dream is one that may have a different ending than you intended." Very true my wise father.

Out to support Doug Billing's with his Dazzeling Divas for the Night.

Bets and I Lookin' Fab! (My Newest Favorite of the Two of Us!)

Which Handsome Gentleman Will We Choose?

Having Fun Watching the Studs Strut Their Stuff...

(My Stud I bought myself...Date Next Saturday Night, Sept. 10)

This past week, I gave to cancer research! Yes, I can say that my attending the American Cancer Society Bachelor Auction down at Howl at the Moon last Thursday evening was truly to raise money for a good cause...well...more like two good causes...cancer research and my love life. Do I feel like both were winners...too soon to say. Yet, I did have a fabulous time getting dressed up and attending the gala with Jodi Danzinger and the other Dazzeling Divas who went out to offer support of Doug Billings and friends. One of my bucket list items was to attend a bachelor auction and win a date...CHECK! I did! Yes, you read that right. I went to the auction, and I won myself a man. Details of the date to come later. Nice guy, Good Chemestry and Fun Date Planned...well worth the $ I shelled out for the night

Betsy also had her birthday this past week. Which meant that two nights in a row I was on the town...big weekend for me. We sang the night away at her favorite local spot, The Other Place in Olathe where Bob (the dj friend of ours) came over to celebrate his weight loss and share with me his progress. I was so very touched to learn that he is making strides in his life to live a more active and healthy lifestyle. What a blessing it is to talk and share information about lifestyle changes.

Beautiful Betsy and I wearing Black and White for the Night...

The joy of attending a movie, which is on the Happiness Project was also achieved this past month. I went to see the Help on Saturday Evening down at CinemaSuites on Mainstreet 6 at Power and Light on Saturday eveing. The book by Katheryn Stockett was a book recommended by Betsy as I was recovering from surgery. It was truly right up there with, "To Kill a Mockingbird" in my reading repitour. I savored each page which Katheryn composed in a symphony of understanding of what life would have been like to love and invest of yourself in the life of a family only raise children to be racially biased. If you have not taken the oppertunity this year to read or see a film in the theater, this one was well worth the money.

How is the school year so far? Well, I have some special friends this year...but that is what makes the year...special friends. They are the students that you look back upon and say, "I grew because of them, and I am a better educator because I taught them." I know this to be true because I am in love with all of them! I have yet to have a student breeze across the threwshold of my room this year and groan. Each one of them is unique and special...quirky...that is how I will describe this class...we are a quirky group this year...perfect for a quirky and fiesty lady like me.

On the focus of my faith, I have been reading, "Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them." It reminds me of "Primal Leadership, Learning to Lead with Emotional Inteligence." This book seems to be the Christian form of the relationship builder and goal setting of healing relationships and looking for ways to invest and be a better more effective communicator in the lives of people around us. How could I not want to share the wonderful chiseling away at my heart which the Lord is doing to make me a more multi-faceted and loving individual for his Kingdom. What a blessing to take the oppertunity to say, here I am Lord, form me into more. (Yet at the same time, simply scary as well.)

Orange You Glad...

Orange Sherbert, Thai Curried Carrot Slaw, and Spiced Tangerines...these are the things that this week was made of. Orange Sherbert, the colors in my dress for the wedding of my cousin Steven to his lovely bride Tiffany. Thai Curried Carrot Slaw, my culinary creation for the week...must say, I am enjoying the kick quite a bit. Tangerine Spice, the nail color for the fingers which scurry across my keyboard this evening.

It has been a blurry-eyed week this past week...contract started this past Monday, met my intern, D.W., set up the classroom, shopped for supplies, made relish and preserves, house-sat in Stanley, met all but one family at "Sneak-a-Peek", plus my brother flew in from California for the wedding and jetted back out today. Hard to believe that this is ironically how packed a week in the life of a this teacher usually is. I a wonderful at piling on the plate, (believe me, used to be a bigger girl, I can load the Chinet up) hard to clear the plate of items once they have been up on. Not that I am complaining, I have a full life in which I am blessed with many wonderful people to share it with! In looking ahead to the first full week of school, I am excited to see that I have a class full of new eyes, hearts, brains and lives to impact and share my passions with. I only hope they are as excited to start the year as I am. The fourth annual, "It's Great to be in Miss Meyer's 5th Grade!" will be sung tomorrow along with many other fun team building activities.

The wedding of Steven and Tiffany Meyer was also this past weekend. One of the most tender-hearted people I know, my cousin Steven, had the extreme joy of expanding his already large family by adding in a fabulous firey Irish bride, Tiffany Lynn. I am thrilled to have shared in their day by standing with programs and handing out bubbles. Watching them dance together and hold each other's hands throught the night was something truly special to behold. Few people find the love of their life...I know I have not had this pleasure yet, and here Steven and Tiffany have not only found each other but celebrate and compliment one another beautifully. know they will have a wonderful memory filled honeymoon.

With all that is going on this week, I am going to turn in early tonight...yes, before 9 PM! So enjoy the Trip to the Pan-Asian Tropics with the Thai Curry Carrot Cole Slaw (on my newest page...Eatin' Like a Bird) and photos below of the family events!

Relish the Days Ahead...

Hard to believe that my last week of summer has come and gone, the old soap opera, "Days of Our Lives" seems to play in my mind right about now..".just as sands in the hour glass...so our the days of our lives." What do the days of my life and the hour glass ahead have to do with summer and myself? One of them would be that I worked on one of my goals this past summer...making relish and jam. Yes, I am a Great-Aunt-Gladys-Buckner wannabe in my family. I aspire to try out the family recipes that are currently not shared with the "young'ns" because we cannot fully appreciate it...or sell it to Heinz foods...(purely speculation at this very moment.) But I did, try my hand at zucchini relish, with a recipe that I found online as well as black cherry preserves. I must say, that the treats were well worth the cost of $20 it took to purchase all of the red peppers, sweet onions, zucchini, black cherries along with pectin, Splenda and Truvia I needed to accomplish this feat. I tried two different variations of the relish, because the first one I thought was not close enough to Great Aunt Gladys's...hers uses real suga'h and I am thinking she may have added in cucumbers plus poppy seed, not just celery seed due to the sweet flavor hers has. Mine while delish...was still not nearly as good in my mind as hers. Will I eat it? Hell yeah! I seriously sat down with a small cup full and a fork, that good people!

The cherry preserves were well worth the time and effort as well, yet did not make as much as I had hoped...only three small 12 oz. jars, while a double batch of the relish made five and a half quarts. Did not stop me from licking the side of the bowl with a spatula like a child who has never eaten brownie batter. Both recipes which I used, I am hyperlinking as well. Pictures to be added later this week.

Setting up the school year with my first student teacher, D.W....yes, I love it...just like the Arthur series, I am enjoying myself very much. She is unusually quiet right now, I take it that she feels like a small fawn who is currently being led into a wide field full of wonderful experiences yet, full of dangers at the same time. She is unfamiliar with district policies, where resources are located and how to navigate a T-drive...(if not a CS educator, sorry for the reference.) It is my responsibility as the wiser and elder doe to teach her how to cautiously yet successfully navigate around this field so that she may reach the other side a fully developed doe ready to take on the valleys ahead in her career. Rather excited yet nerve racking at the same time.

Knowing that school is next Monday...(Yipes!)...for students, I am currently taking this little bit of free time which I have to journey into the world of the mosaics of my heart and piecing together from the ashes of my death and rebirth the woman that I want to become for the future. I am a new woman and creation, truly...over 20 pounds lighter and yet feeling so invigorated for the new chapters which I am penning even now. The first, is that I have "Gone Red for Public Ed." For those who are not in the public education world, wearing red on Tuesdays is a symbol that you support public education. I have taken it to the next level. I am wearing red day and night for the next 6-8 weeks...how? I went from blonde bomb to sassy strawberry! Not the bright strawberry, more of a strawberry blonde, something, Julia Roberts'eque in my mind...(oooohhhh....oooohhhh....Pretty Woman!) The confidence factor I have been feeling the past week has been wonderful. I am taking the time and effort to try the things that I wanted to yet never felt free enough to try. Even as lame as making relish and black cherry preserves to coloring my hair strawberry blonde the week before school starts. Hello World, Meet the New Erin Meyer!

Currently, my NEW life is being fashioned. It is amazing to see the mosaic which God is creating in my life with the gathering of the shards left of the old life. This new heart which is full of wonder and praise simply wants to honor Him. I will not cease to be in awe at the tapestry he is weaving with the new life that I am creating for myself and continue to seek my Saviour's will in my artistic life's journey.

I have begun on my own, Beth Moore's Esther, It's Tough Being a Woman as well as finishing, "Made to Crave". Made to Crave was something hard for me to start, it was about turning to God rather than to food for comfort. Yet as I delved into the chapters and really took time to peel away at my own thought and food patterns I found that I was cleaning my garden from the inside out and weeding out the lies and transforming myself mentally for the challenge of living a life of maintaining. Lysa Terkeurst really hit this nail on the head with multiple statements thought the book which I have found very powerful. Below, I am going to compose a paragraph simply compiled with her wisdom.

"Getting healthy is not just about having faith, goodness and knowledge. We have to add to that foundation by choosing to be self-controlled and choosing to persevere even when the journey gets hard. We can step on the scale and accept the numbers for what they really are-an indication of how much our body weighs,-and not an indication of our worth. (When someone makes an off comment about another being overweight at 156 lbs...something I would never be...I remind myself...) That statement didn't belong to me. That statement wasn't my issue. I had a choice to make. I could feed that comment and let it grow into an identity crusher; or I could see it for what it was, a careless comment. Saying it's not fair has caused many a girl to toss aside for what she knows to be right for the temporary thrill of whatever it is that does seem fair. And then comes the anger. Anger at herself, anger at the object of her desire (chocolate peanut butter pretzels). Anger even at a might God who surely could have prevented this. I realized that a pity part was a clue I was relying on my own strength, a strength that failed me before, and would fail me again. I am made for more, I am made for victory. Compromise build upon compromise is failure. What if it's actually the very thing, if brought under control that can lead us to a better understanding of God? If I could go to food and never gain an ounce, then what would I need God for? Food was never meant to fill the deepest places of our hearts, that was made for God alone, as well as tying our happy to the wrong thing sets us up for failure every time. Victory is possible sisters, bot by figuring out how to make this an easy process, but my choosing-over and over and over and over again-the absolute power of God's truth. Eventually, I will be able to add some things back in my lifestyle in small quantities, But not yet. All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial. So I am not on a diet, I am on a journey with Jesus to learn the fine art of self discipline for the purpose of holiness. This is why at this point it is a spiritual journey and not a diet. Idolatry, in the case of food, means the consumption of ill sized portions and unhealthy choices because we feel like we deserve or need it to feel better. Some actions are not sinful in themselves, but they are not appropriate because they can control our lives and lead us away from God. (Ouch...Thanks for calling out my college years with nightly ice cream runs to Sonic, Braums and DairyQueen.) God told us to be faithful with the bodies we'd been given. We're always one choice away from reversing all the progress we have make. Victory isn't a place that we arrive at and relax. Victory is when we pick something healthy over something not beneficial for us. And we maintain our victories with each next choice. But a victory won't stay for long if I start resisting and disliking her essential requirements of sacrifice and repentance. The most dangerous place for a diet success story is hitting your goal weight, a blessing entangled with a curse. All God's girls have issues. All of us. We haul around a bucketful of issues, mine may be different then yours, but it is a bucket none the less. I can make the choice to identify my shortcomings and instead of using them against myself, hand then over to Jesus and let his chisel my rough places. The grade-filled way that Jesus chisels is so vastly different the the way that I beat on myself. My beatings are full of lies and deceit, HIS chiseling is full of truth and freedom. My victory is not tied as much to the way I've changed physically as the way I have overcome mentally and spiritually. Yes, I have lost pounds and inches, but not being weighed down mentally and spiritually by the constant feeling of defeat is the real victory. (Personal) victory is the sum total of a whole lot of Wise decisions and sacrificial decisions, that are made choice by choice, day by day. Yes, knowing a reward awaits you is crucial."

The Land of Beginning Again*

Not many individuals are privileged as much as I to be allowed the opportunity to "Begin Again". et here I am, back home in Olathe with Betsy and her dog Lexi, trying to relive my life and finding that the new me has wonderful changes and new challenges to face. New challenges that are arising from all of this journey include…insomnia, budgeting what clothes do I really need for teaching and various adventures for the next month, a body that wants desperately to get back to the gym…but a bum knee and extreme heat making the journey very difficult. One of the new changes that I have is shopping for new clothes! Yes! And yet at the same time…NO!!! This will be about the 7^th or 8^th entire wardrobe overhaul that I have done in the past 5 years…while I do adore getting new items, new items come with a cost. In spite of that, I am loving the new me! I do not have a massive overhang of skin on my belly anymore, and my arms do not wave at people after I ceased the action. Praise the Lord for the lovely ladies at Dillard's, Mary and Carol who helped me get the new compression items I need…yes, I am currently sleeping in compression bras and spanx in 103 degree weather…and to clearance sales around the city that I am hitting up to jump start the journey.

With starting anew, one thing that I have been focusing on after doing some reading during recovery is not to mindlessly eat. When I did Weight Watchers, I "tracked" my points each day and ate even when I was not necessarily hungry because I had the points to do it. Betsy was wise enough to point this out to my one day. She noted that I might be eating even though I was not hungry simply because I could, not because I was truly hungry. This paired with the books, Made to Crave, Mindless Eating in addition to the Omnivore'sDilemma as well as In Defense of Food has caused me to do some serious reflection (which I am an expert at) on the new Erin Meyer and the eating habits and actions to face while I am unable to exercise and ease my body back into a routine. (I have a tendency to really push myself too much.) One of the focuses for the new self is to eat when I am truly hungry and stop when I am satisfied or full, not going to seconds unless I was at a buffet and did a "tasting" round before, and making sure to eat more organically as well as local farm products. Below is my Aunt Margie's Super Skinny South Beach Salad…amazing stuff!

I would love to admit that I am a master at health and know all there is on the topic, but I do not. So to further improve my knowledge for the health of my body, budget and local community I am making an effort to stop at the roadside farm stand and spend the $3 lb. on some produce even when I know it is cheaper at the Hy-Vee. Why? That is wasteful one my ask…that depends on your view of wasteful and unwise. In the long run, I am making more of an impact by helping our local economy through local farmer who is working to sustain the environment by growing and selling his own foods. Not that I am cutting out going to the store. I still love Whole Foods, Trader Joe's and Hy-Vee's health market. I am just trying to support the local community through local farms in my neighborhood. It is a little thing, may cost me more, but I know that I am making a difference. The KC community has done the same with me…buying cookbooks from a local girl rather than going online and printing something or heading to the nearest Border's Books store liquidation sales event. I am deeply touched with the turnout at Hy-Vee on July 16 and am very excited to go to Prairie Life in Overland Park on August 4 from 5-8 PM for the Shoppin' for Joplin event!

Another area of beginning again is my attendance at Lenexa Baptist Church. I went there last summer and again at the start of this past summer and very much was challenged by the sermon an d left excited for the week ahead in my faith. I hate to admit that for a woman who went to parochial school my entire life, that getting me fired up can take a great deal, but some days it seems like 13 years of Christian school coupled with chapel services once a week, youth groups, vacation Bible school, Jesus camps, etc…that getting my passion back for what should have never waned in the first place does take some cultivation. Yet, here I am excited to leave the sanctuary on Sunday and go and start up my journey again in the challenge of refining my being as more for Christ. My brother Sam was very instrumental in helping my find what I was looking for in a church, asking thoughtful questions to get to the root cause of what was making me skittish. Once that root was identified, he helped me replant and cultivate what I should really be searching for rather than keeping something I liked at arm's length because I was uncomfortable with a piece of it. Amazing how I do this, keep things at bay that make me nervous.

In keeping with beginning again, the school year will be starting in less than a week for me as an educator. Hard to believe that the journey with a new group of students is rapidly approaching with them coming in two weeks time; I am not over missing my last flock of sheep, and another fold is being shepherded into my classroom in a mere thirteen days. How time quickly leaves its mark and then dashes away.

Additions to the Meyer family are also coming along in the next two weeks, my tenderhearted cousin Steven his getting ready to marry his best friend, Tiffany Lynn. I am very excited to welcome Tiffany into the family; she is getting a pretty sweet deal if I do say so myself…I think the Meyer Clan is a bunch of fun. Below are some of the photos from the bachelorette party.

Aunt Margie's Super Model Skinny South Beach Salad

This salad gets better the longer it sits in the dressing. Make the night before and let the herbs in the dressing work their natural magic in the fresh vegetables. My Aunt Margie makes this great salad at every Graham family party. It is a family favorite….as Tevya from Fiddler on the Roof would say…Tradition! Tradition!

Ingredients

• 1 bunch of broccoli - cut into bite size florets


• 1 head of cauliflower – cut into bite size florets


• 1 can of black olives – drained and rinsed


• ½ bag of carrots – cut into bite sizes


• 1 bunch of scallions – chopped fine

Dressing

• 1 package of Good Seasons Dry Italian or Zesty Italian Dressing


• 1 bottle of Italian Dressing – Margie uses the Kraft South Beach due to the high olive oil content, feel free to use any light or fat free kind.

Procedure

• In a very large bowl with a lid, combine all of the rinsed and chopped vegetables.


• Sprinkle the Good Seasons dry dressing over the vegetables and toss.


• Pour the bottle of light Italian dressing over the salad.


• Gently toss the vegetables and let chill for at least 8 hours.

Whole white mushrooms or baby bellas quartered would also be a fun addition.

*There is a poem by Lolita Hiroshi by this very title in case you're interested in reading it.

Clipped the Old Wings, but this Bird is Soaring Higher than Ever!

Last Tuesday morning at 6:30 am, my momma drove me to Heartland for the second and currently, the final procedure for the Summer Season in my transformation. I checked in, left a massive tray again of cookies and overflowing fruit basket for the staff as a HUGE Thank-You for all that they have done for me...the least I can do for two half price hospital procedures is duo cookie trays and fruit baskets.

I was road mapped again this time on my arms and chest by the amazing Dr. K prior to being wheeled back down the hallway and counting backwards from ten. When I awoke four hours later, I was two pounds lighter but struggling with the immense pain. I do believe that my arm-chest lift was harder than the body lift. I did not rebound in the hospital as well as I had hoped. I was unable to reach the call button, get my own drink or feed myself for two days. It was so humbling lying in the hospital bed after it all. The opportunity to experience life with no arms for a few days and was miserable. A deeper understanding for people without the use of their upper body or missing limbs really hit home for me. Darah, my amazing nurse from the first procedure explained that since I had just underwent a major surgery two weeks prior, I was not fully recovered making a second major surgery more of a challenge. I am restricted to wearing front closure soft cups for six to eight weeks. Where on Earth would I find this? My parents searched Target, Wal-Mart, Dillard's and Kohl's looking for items to no avail while I slept under a veil of anesthesia. Mom and I tried a venture to Macy's on Monday evening and for a mere $36 each...(gulp!) I found what I needed. The sales associate commented my lovely jacket which I get to wear for the next two weeks and immediately asked if I was a breast cancer survivor since she had to wear one after her reconstruction. I congratulated her on her survival and being free of the sickness which ravages many women and told her no, just had a lift in the arms and chest. Another opportunity to experience "stepping into someone else's shoes." As quoted by Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mocking Bird.

The recovery at home is a 100% improvement each day from the day before. One day I can move my arms and sign my name, the next tie my hair back and feed myself, make my own meals and push a shopping cart, start making meals again and so on. When seeing Dr. K today he was please with the way the incisions were healing since I am only a week out. He mentioned that I was allowed to start walking for exercise up to an hour a day. Those of you that know me well understand that I am a gym rat at this point in my life and I am severely missing my daily time in addition to sessions with Drew. Luckily, I get text updates from him and will be allowed back in on August 1; unluckily, no personal training cleared for most of August. Sigh!

I did make on Sunday a salad which my awesome Aunt Deby had made for the fourth of July...with the exception of the regular tomatoes rather than cherry since that is what was in my parent's fridge. I lightened it by using less olive oil and fat free feta cheese rather than regular. If interested in the recipe, it is listed below!

I also had the blessing of Jenna and Jesse Roskilly, my best friend and her husband, kidnapping me and taking me to lunch at the Salty Iguana prior to me seeing my sweet cousin Greta, and her ever more lovely daughter Dei-Dei and baby Trixie from Jetmore, Kansas. I love it when I get to see them and hear about their garage chickens and organic gardening adventures.

One week out, how am I feeling overall? Sore! I attended one of my best friend's weddings on Saturday under the okay from Dr. K. (I told her that even if I sat there in a bathrobe, in NO WAY would I miss her wedding day.) The reason for this was my procedure got bumped up a week or I could wait until the school year started...teacher's everywhere like me would opt for NO Sub planning for six weeks and just doing it in the summer. Unfortunately, this meant that while I was set to attend her wedding with no problems before, now I would be out of surgery a mere four days before she wed. This was a bit of a stretch, but a cocktail of Oxicotin supplemented with Codine allowed for smiles. I was ambushed by lots of hugs at the wedding and while people tried to just gently pat, as the night wore on and wine flowed freely for them…not me, squashing Erin occurred more frequently. Worth it for my Laura Love. Congratulations my sweet friend!

Yet in spite of the pain, for the first time in 20 years, I am able to look in the mirror and feel that I am lovely. It may seem vain, but when you have lived your entire life as an obese person, then to have a body of a 90 year old woman at the age of 27, to have the outside reflect the love and kind heart which many know exist on the inside was never manifested, until Today at 1:30 pm. The swollen image of the phoenix rising from my old life was what I saw Dr. K revealed my new set of wings.

The exciting thing is that now, I can begin to soar to the new heights which before, I limited myself to because I was ashamed of my body and the way it appeared due to my own self mutilation of food. I have a new set of jeans and shirt which I am thrilled to venture out on Saturday and wear to Hy-Vee at 135th and Brougham in Olathe for the Health Fair. Hopefully, I will see you dear friend as I start to begin my wobbly attempt as a newborn bird, spreading my wings to fly to new valleys and mountains which I never dreamed before.

Mediterranean Tomato, Cucumber and Feta Salad with Fresh Mint and Thyme Dressing

This salad gets better the longer it sits in the dressing. Make the night before and let the herbs work their natural magic in the fresh vegetables.

Ingredients

• 3 large tomatoes chopped into large bites – or use 2 pints of grape tomatoes and cut into halves.


• 2 very large cucumbers


• 6 green onions, finely chopped, greens and whites included.


• 1 cup of fat free feta cheese – I like the PRESIDENT brand, it is found in the deli section of your grocery store. – I buy the large container


• ¾ cup of kalmata olives, cut in half, lengthwise – these are found in the deli section or with the olives and pickles aisle.


• Zest of one lemon
  

Dressing

• Juice of one lemon – about ¼ cup


• ¼ cup of Extra Virgin Olive Oil


• 1 TBSP of Thyme – If using fresh, about ¼ of a cup, finely chopped


• 1 tsp of black pepper


• ½ tsp. salt


• ¼ cup of fresh mint leaves finely chopped – if you do not have fresh mint, feel free to leave out.

Procedure

• On a cutting board, remove the white core of the tomatoes. Slice, then chop into large bites no bigger than a nickel or quarter size. Place into a large mixing bowl.


• With a vegetable peeler, remove the skin from the cucumbers and then slice them length wise. Using a spoon, scrape the seeds from the cucumber and discard them.


• Return cucumber halves to the cutting board and slice each half length wise a second time and proceed to dice into bite size chunks. Repeat for the green onions and add both the cucumber bites as well as green onions to the tomatoes.


• Add the feta and kalmata olive to the tomato and cucumber mix.


• In a small separate bowl, combine all of the dressing ingredients and whisk together for about 20 seconds.


• Pour dressing over the salad mixture then gently toss together.


• Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and allow the salad to sit for a few hours to chill.
  

This salad will serve about 8-10 people is using 1 cup servings, I usually eat 2 cups for lunch with fresh hummus and whole wheat pita or a Flat Out Wrap.