The Bigger Picture in Mind…

I know that my God works together all things for the good of those that love Him…according to the purpose to which HE called them…Romans 8:28. This verse has been my lifeline for the past month. I know that surviving that masters classes, my students, balancing work in addition to learning how to accept myself has been a journey. It has been a journey which has yet to run its course, but even still, a process of growth which I would not trade. I have finished reading Beth Moore's book, So Long Insecurity, and while I may not have a complete dominance of this force in my life, I am come to realize that I know more than I choose to let on to. I learned this past month that I have a student whom was adopted, which is an issue extremely close to my heart. In addition, a student, my dear C.G. has come to remind me that, "I Am Loved" daily and that each day when I tell students that I love them in my classroom, while not all tell me that they share that same love in return, many do. How blessed am I? I still have students come a visit me from the previous two years, sell me cookies at dismissal and want to tell me of the latest dances which they have attended and whom they are crushing on in middle school. While I never pictured myself as "that" teacher whom students returned wanting to share their life with, I am thrilled that my previous students want to find me and share their successes with me. I may never fully understand the impact of the lives which are touched, but still, I know that God is at work and has shared HIS light though me with those whom I have interacted with. The Lord know how my life may impact others and that through my answering HIS calling to be an educator fills HIS greater purpose, I may not in the short term of this life know what is occurring.

Keeping this in perspective, I have found that this rings true for my weight loss. I may not fully understand how my story fits in with the larger picture of the lives of those whom I meet, but I do know that the Lord has a reason and calling for me in sharing my journey with food and learning to accept and love myself in spite of a culture obsessed with body image and perfection. I believe one of my greatest compliments came today at my cousin Sarah's wedding today, " I see you as a true Christian, Erin. You show love, and are humble in accepting a compliment. When I think of what a Christian woman looks like, I think of you. You are fabulous!" Me? Really? I know so many other people who have it all together, I do not consider myself to be that person. But, I do know that I have a story, which I will share about a journey which I will make until the day that I die about my struggle with acceptance of myself and of food. I shared today with Nikki, a friend of Betsy's that my favorite part of being a new person is people whom do not know who I am…when it is a family member, it makes it even sweeter. This happened twice at Sarah's wedding. I know that my sweet Jesus Christ has a message for me to share and that is of my Savior saving me from myself at the age of 22 years. I see that while I may not know the lives in which I give impact to, I just show up and live and try to be myself, Christ will work through me to impact others if I will let him.

With this is mind it makes it surreal to know that I have finished my Masters Degree this past week from Emporia State with Curriculum and Instruction as the goal. I know that I have the ability and passion to teach new educators at some point in my life, but that point is not yet today. While my dream is still intact of teaching new educators, my goal of becoming an IRT in my district has shifted. For now, I just want to specialize in being a great 5^th grade educator. This has been made possible through the completion of my project on Donorschoose.org for next year! I have been funded in teaching of a book unit of the literature masterpiece entitled, "Masterpiece" by Elise Broach. An art heist told from the perspective of a beetle! I am ecstatic about sharing my love of art and literature with next year's class, I know that they will embrace and adore this book as much as I do! I am over the moon about sharing this digital project with them. Thank you again to each of you who took the time to donate to my classroom. The bigger picture to keep in mind is that many students do not have the ability to visualize an art heist nor get passionate about it, yet, doing a book study will hopefully help open a door for greater literacy connections.

April has been more than just book funding, it has been one of public education funding. I attended the KNEA Representative Assembly in Topeka, KS a few weeks ago. I listened as I heard about the drastic cuts being made in the arena of public education. Currently, the budget for the state sits at funding public education from $5,000 (appx) to state reps and senators wanting to cut it back to $3,200 per student! This is a cut which would take public ed to a realm before 1992. Are we as Americans that simple minded that we would go back in time nearly 20 years and believe that 20 years ago, there was no internet, home computers, hybrid cars, but the quality of education which public school teachers are to give our future leaders and citizens must remain the same? How can it? All these things would need to leave the classrooms for the education to be what it was that long ago. Yet, as Americans there is an outcry for justice in education and making teachers to bad guys for wanting benefits and equal pay. When other cultures and nationalities around the globe pour money into their priority of public schools such as Finland, China and Switzerland, then yes, where the money is, there the best education will lie. Is it fair? Maybe, maybe not. But it shows where countries have set their priorities and future. If funding of the future is something which Americans do not want, then we will continue in a downward spiral of ignorance leading our decision making. Keep this in the back of your mind as you read, each of us WILL grow older, children and youth WILL replace us, ARE we preparing them for their role as key decision makers or are we leading through ignorance ourselves because we do not see the value of the stock in front of us? We have to keep the bigger picture in mind.

Below is a THANK YOU! to Olive Garden for a Lunch with they brought us for being the top fundraisers for our school Pennies for Patients Drive.

Exiting from school funding and viewing myself, I have been working on a different big picture to keep in mind as I get ready to meet with the plastic surgeon and Fox 4 news on May 9^th. That bigger picture is the new Erin Marie Meyer. Who is she and what is she becoming? I know that I have been struggling with finding out who I am for the past few years really. It seems to me that insecurity with my appearance is what has been the drive within my weight loss for many years. I would use the mental strategy of telling myself that I was too big still and needed to lose more weight. This worked very well to hit the goal weight, but as Betsy and I discussed at SPIN! pizza with friends that the goal weight loss was not a weight that I could maintain, losing 200 pounds is one thing, yet being able to live at that weight was another. It was not a manageable weight for me. I was ALWAYS hungry, grumpy and eating! Since then with BCBS and getting ready to meet with my surgeon, I have been reevaluating myself and the weight and lifestyle which I do believe that I can be and manage long-term, I believe that I have a weight goal in mind to strive for and work with to achieve this. For the first time in my life, I feel as though I know what is a manageable weigh and style of life for me. The bigger picture to keep in mind with the food for me is that now that I have stopped trying to lose weight, and simply manage weight, the understanding of food is changing in my life as well. I am beginning to learn to eat not because I have "points" or "calories" but whether or not I am hungry and listening to my body signals at this point. I have stopped calorie counting this past week and I am going to see how simply listening to my body moves and takes me. While this is not a new way of thinking, it should have been my way of thinking since my childhood; it is a new change for me. Knowing that I am working on fueling my body when it is hungry and the proper diet and nutrition for it, thanks to WW and Clean Eating lifestyle, Betsy and I watched a few documentaries this past weekend on food. One was SuperSize Me-gross! I haven't eaten fast food in 5 years and I am proud to say that I will never eat it again. If I ever am blessed with my own children, they will not eat it from me either. The other was FOOD, inc. I am now starting to phase in organic foods into my diet. I never gave organics or ethic and moral thoughts when it came to eating, yet these things are good to keep in mind. How do I see myself? Well, I am a premium model if I were a car, so if I would want a top performance, then I would need to fuel myself with such an item, this would look like premium products entering my body system. After seeing how chicken, pork and beef was processed, I am now committed to really think about what I eat and where it comes from. I have the bigger picture of myself but also the local agrarian society to help as well. Do I believe that I can make a difference on what products I consume and how I perform?

Finally, the bigger picture of love has been at play. "I would not wish any companion in the world but you." – William Shakespeare, The Tempest, Act 3, Scene 1. My cousin Sarah got married this past weekend. She fell in love with David Fransisco, the server at one of her favorite restaurants. David spoke no English, and Sarah no Spanish. Thus, like any good friend, her best friend went on the first date and interpreted for both of them. Four years later, they were married. It was a sweet ceremony in a traditional Catholic service and church followed by a reception at the Screenland Theaters in Downtown, KC, MO. Sarah was a lovely bride and David a handsome addition to the Graham family. I am excited to see her union but also challenged at the same time. I took the challenge as, stepping out of my box. Sarah and David did not let the barrier of a language stand in the way of their love. It was refreshing to see a couple who wanted to be together in spite of a barrier between them. I was inspired because they both saw that in the course of their lifetime which they will be creating together, they will have bigger challenges then language, but if they truly are committed to one another, then something as small as language is minor in the grand scheme of their lifetime together. (In case you were wondering, I caught the bouquet; I always manage to catch it at the Graham family weddings, first Laurie's back in 9^th grade, then Matt and Michelle's three years ago and now Sarah and David. I think there is a trend here…)

The Lovely Bride and Groom!
Dee-Dee, Myself, Trixie and Greta - My family of cousins from Jetmore, MO.

The good news is that I have the security now to know that my time currently is a gift without a husband and children. This gift has allowed me to travel, attend conferences and become the woman that I am transforming into. I am being sculpted into something special and I have a present to enjoy and it is up to me to enjoy it. Singleness may be something which is happening to me now, but when you really think about how 2/3 of ones life is spent with your mate and children, it is the 1/3 without that is the gift. Like many things in life, once the change has occurred, there is a ripple effect which may never retract. I have yet to have this ripple effect tossed into my pond, this is a gift because I can keep creating many innovations in the garden to which I tend. Keep the bigger picture in mind, the garden to which I tend and grow will always have something new to cultivate and plant. Do you see the bigger picture in mind?