Once Upon A Dream…

A few months ago, many of you read my entry about running the race of life for the crown in heaven with the comparison to myself running my first 5k…continuing the entry of running, I have had two very busy weekends in a row. The first was last weekend, when I ran my first 10K. Again, as mentioned in a previous entry, my goal this next year is to run a half marathon by the time my 28^th birthday rolls around. In order to achieve this goal, I have had to set up mini-goals along the way and check myself to make sure that I am able to achieve them. The Heart and Sole race was in Olathe, KS last weekend, and I had some of my most supportive cheerleaders present…my students and coworkers. We met together prior to the race and then went through the check-points of the first leg together. Nothing was more uplifting to me then to run with my community and Countryside family. Cheering on Matthew as he ran and other Cardinals and calling their name, patting parents on the shoulder and cheering on my team really brought the memory home that we all can achieve what we set out to do when there is the right amount of work and praise involved. I knew this to be true when my team stopped after the first 5k and I continued on up the hill for the second round. I seemed to hit a steady pace as I ran and I thought about my kiddos. I saw their sweet faces as I ran. I thought about how proud they were of me and wanted me to be able to achieve what I told them I wanted to do…a 10k. I started crying when I came over the crest of a hill and I saw my friend Katie who is at Central filming me run the final leg…I could not resist calling out one of my favorite verses…"I can do ALL things through Christ whom gives me strength!!!" – Philippians 4:13…moments later, my students Hunter, Molly and Brandon jumped from the curb and ran the race home with me. They wanted to share my accomplishment and show their support. There is something incredibly special about the love of a child…the simple faith which they have in you and how a child is willing to move mountains with their ability to show their love. Never having had the joy of my own children, I experience this through my students. I was later transported to the verse in Mark 10:15, "Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, will not enter it." This same love and trust my students pour out onto me each day, my heavenly Father daily gives to me as well; it is just a matter of me receiving it.

Mother's Day was Sunday last and my mother, father and I all went to Avenues Bistro in the Mission Farms area for brunch. Truly, a brunch worthy of a meal off of my tracking and planning…caramel pecan sticky rolls, Grand Marnier drenched strawberry French toast, coconut macaroons, champagne & chocolate covered strawberries, lobster ravioli, shrimp cocktail, scallops seared to perfection and the Roasterie Coffee brewed blissfully on the bar. Not only was the brunch impressive, but the atmosphere was relaxed and service impeccable! Our server was wonderful, the kind of server that was more like a friend hosting a dinner party rather than a wait staff member, plus the manager came around and talked with every table. It is the little things which make the dining experience for me build to a crescendo of praise…food, service, atmosphere and price. Avenues Bistro is by far the most wonderful location for a special occasion brunch. If you have not experienced this hidden gem, next time you have the opportunity, make this local treasure your stop.

On Monday of two weeks past, I met with Dr. Korentager, the plastic surgeon with KU Medical Center who will be performing my procedures for the body lift, arm lift for my "new" form this summer. It was surreal sitting in the office and talking with him and his staff. For the first time in my life, a doctor has looked at me and said, "You're healthy Erin. The BMI scale does not apply to you at the moment. It is obvious that you are healthy." I needed to hear that from a medical professional. I have been told for over 27 years that I am "overweight", "obese" and "morbidly obese" that the term, "healthy" has never entered a conversation between me and my doctors. It was reassuring that maybe, just maybe, the medical profession sees that there needs to be some changes in the way that we view human health and wholeness. After talking for two hours, we set the dates for my two surgeries here this summer. Body lift in mid-June, Arm-Chest Lift in Early-Mid-July. I was told how much I would have to pay personally for each of the surgeries that I am in need of…about $7700 for June and $6800 for July. One thing that people have not realized is that while the doctor is not charging me, I still have to pay everyone else and the hospital. The funds have to come in by June 9^th…hence why I had to create a fundraising page…Super (role) Model.

That same evening, the show aired on Fox 4 Problem-Solvers. (Click on the underlined link in case you would care to watch.) I hosted a mini-watch party at the Other Place in Olathe, (where Betsy and I do karaoke) and had some wonderful family and dear friends come and offer support for the transformation occurring in my life. The next morning, I talked with Drew about it at the gym. It was weird to watch myself on the screen. I thought the entire time…"Is that really me? Is that how I really look?" I am still baffled when I see myself, I wonder, is that me? I know that reconditioning of the brain can take 1 month for each year of life…with this in mind, I could easily be over 30 years of age when I finally realize, yes, this is the new me. Positive reimaging self talk has already been started on my end…Drew and my wonderful family and friends have been supportive as well. I know that I do not see it yet, but I am starting to.

I continued closing some other chapters in my life last week with walking for my master's degree in curriculum instruction at ESU. My brother Sam flew in for the occasion and we went out as a family for lunch afterwards...the "Classic Cup" on the Country Club Plaza was my choice because online they were registered as having one of the best carrot cakes in the city. Of course, this in my mind would be the perfect ending to the hard work I put in. The Louisiana Shrimp and Grits I had for lunch there was superb, my carrot cake, lacking. I was hoping for more cinnamon and possibly a hint of nutmeg. Overall, the food and experience was wonderful, my dad got raspberry peach cobbler with crème fresh which was a little piece of what I envision Paula Deene would welcome a dear friend in with for cards and a catch up. I feel that my carrot cake cupcakes from Cooking Light is better, if you want to try it, click on carrot cake, but do google Ina Garten's cream cheese frosting, very bad for you, but sooo good on these cupcakes, (bake in 18 muffin tins for about 30 min. at 325 degrees…also, add in 1 tsp of pumpin pie spice, it really does help!) I made this past week for my class along with homemade granola. (about 100 calories per ¼ cup…did not add the brown sugar nor the dried mangoes.)

That same evening, I shared with Sam my concern about raising $14,000 within a month and not knowing quite what to do. I told him that I felt like the Lord has placed on my heart that I was to help someone else I knew fundraise first and part with a large sum which I had saved. I told Sam that I really hoped I could get in contact with this person later on this week, as I had already called twice and got no response, but also my concern about meeting my own goal now. Sam gave me the encouragement that I was to keep reaching out. I told him that Matthew 6:25-26 was my focus of the past week and that the Lord was really working in my heart about trusting His provision in my life with the story he is having me author, but Him edit. The verse talks about how birds and flowers do not worry about the days ahead and where things will come from, it ends with, how much more does your heavenly Father care about you? He cares so much and truly, I know that my God will supply ALL my needs, not some or partial, but ALL. This was poured out to me later on this past week…I not able to connect with my friend Sarah prior to Thursday, I kept calling and leaving messages, but got nothing back. Wednesday night, I sat in the parking lot of WaterWay waiting while my car filled and said to the Lord, "I did my part, I keep calling, but there is no answer. I thought You wanted me to give…and I am trying, but I cannot give, if there is no answer." Right then, a peace which I cannot explain washed over me, and I felt a calm that was, "Keep It." What? Seriously God? Are you sure, because I want your will, not my own in my life. I felt again the peaceful feeling, "Keep It." I called my mom, (of course!) immediately and shared what had happened, we both thought, well, maybe I am being tested…am I willing to part with my fundraising need to help another? I was hit full force the next morning at my mailbox on plan time. Thank Jesus that David was checking his mail and getting coffee with me at the same time, I was taken aback when I saw the envelope from Fox 4 in the school box. It was an anonymous letter signed, "Your Friend" with $1400 cash in hundreds inside. I started bawling right there, and not little tears, this was, OMG YOU DID WHAT FOR A STRANGER!? I shared with David that this was much like Abraham being asked by God in Genesis 22 to give up his only son and trust Him to provide a sacrifice.

Does the Editor of my faith end the week there…NO! God continued to awe-inspire me even more as I drove to Wichita for my roomie from the sorority…Happein' Hadley's bachelorette party and bridal shower. I finally connected with Sarah and had a good catch up as I drove. I shared with her what God had done, and she said, you want to know what is even cooler Meyer? I felt that I was not to answer your calls and take your funds this week. You were the only person who offered to give whom I felt that God said, No, you are not to take it. We both got goose-bumps as we talked on the drive about how the Lord was working in both are fundraising efforts because she is fully funded without my aid. How Great Is Our God?! I told her that I thought the Lord would do something big on the trip because she did not take it and followed what she thought the Lord spoke to her heart. She shared that she sees the Lord working big things for me as well. I explained to Sarah that I am trusting fully that as long as I continue to follow what I believe I am to do for the Bigger Picture in Mind by God that He will continue to guide and make my path straight…as in Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding (because truly, I do not always understand) and in ALL your ways submit to Him and HE will make your path straight." Childlike faith is all that my God asks of me, to blindly understand that somehow, HE will accomplish HIS work even if I do not understand the way HE makes the storyline turn.

Seeing my sorority sisters and the supportive family that ASA has been for me with sisterhood through the years, I am blessed to know so many amazing Apples of God's eye. Elissa's shower was such a blast. We did the toilet paper bride and her grandmother was the winner. Seeing an eighty year old woman wrapped in Charmin ultra soft and carrying a bouquet of cardboard rolls was pretty funny. Later on going out to celebrate "She's had it with Hadley, she'll be Ternes now" was a reminder of what sisterhood is…showing up and celebrating the life and love of each other. We visited Old Town and ran into old friends from college as we went from stop to stop. Later this morning, Jenna, Laura, Sarah Jo and I finished some invites for the bachelorette party to happen in a few weeks for Laura Craven, it was exciting to celebrate the friendships which I have been blessed to accrue and discuss an idea of a sisterhood retreat as adults like an annual trip each summer together…much like something I could see the Red Hat's club or Ya-Ya!'s doing.

A third and final chapter which I am a mess of Kleenex debris is closing this week as well. My fifth grade loves are leaving me on Tuesday morning. Do NOT bring it up, because I know that I will start crying. I could have never imagined as class like this one. A class where you bring up new learning and the response is…"Yeah! We get to stretch our brains today!" J How could anyone NOT want to teach such passion for learning? Saying good-bye tomorrow night at the end of the year will be bittersweet for me. I know that I cannot hold them forever, they need new challenges and opportunities for growth that I am not qualified (yet) to give, but I cannot help but be sad to watch them walk out my door on Tuesday. As Drew told me at the start of August, "Enjoy it Erin, but remember, it will end…it may be May, but remember, it it will end." The truth of the matter is, it is ending, and I am so grateful that I got the best gift of all, a full year to invest in 24 young lives. Truly, their parents gave me a "borrowed" gift, and I simply have to pass the gift along.

To end it all, I feel like once, years ago, I had a dream, and God has given me the gift of living it out each day, to which I have no idea the lives which I get to impact. The inspirational thing is that new dreams are currently being mulled over in my mind and heart these past few weeks. I am so ever grateful that I not only get to walk out the dreams in my heart, but I have not let the dreams of the past die nor lost the ability to dream. New dreams are being created as I see the fulfillment of dreams of the past. Just as the Disney song from my favorite princess, Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) once sang, "I know you I walked with you once upon a dream, I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam. Yet I know its true, that visions are seldomd though they seam; but if I know you, I know what you'll do, You'll love me at once, the way you did once, upon a dream." Dreams and visions are seldom fulfilled, yet once, I had a dream, God has fulfilled it fully and continues to give new dreams and passions for me to walk out.

The Bigger Picture in Mind…

I know that my God works together all things for the good of those that love Him…according to the purpose to which HE called them…Romans 8:28. This verse has been my lifeline for the past month. I know that surviving that masters classes, my students, balancing work in addition to learning how to accept myself has been a journey. It has been a journey which has yet to run its course, but even still, a process of growth which I would not trade. I have finished reading Beth Moore's book, So Long Insecurity, and while I may not have a complete dominance of this force in my life, I am come to realize that I know more than I choose to let on to. I learned this past month that I have a student whom was adopted, which is an issue extremely close to my heart. In addition, a student, my dear C.G. has come to remind me that, "I Am Loved" daily and that each day when I tell students that I love them in my classroom, while not all tell me that they share that same love in return, many do. How blessed am I? I still have students come a visit me from the previous two years, sell me cookies at dismissal and want to tell me of the latest dances which they have attended and whom they are crushing on in middle school. While I never pictured myself as "that" teacher whom students returned wanting to share their life with, I am thrilled that my previous students want to find me and share their successes with me. I may never fully understand the impact of the lives which are touched, but still, I know that God is at work and has shared HIS light though me with those whom I have interacted with. The Lord know how my life may impact others and that through my answering HIS calling to be an educator fills HIS greater purpose, I may not in the short term of this life know what is occurring.

Keeping this in perspective, I have found that this rings true for my weight loss. I may not fully understand how my story fits in with the larger picture of the lives of those whom I meet, but I do know that the Lord has a reason and calling for me in sharing my journey with food and learning to accept and love myself in spite of a culture obsessed with body image and perfection. I believe one of my greatest compliments came today at my cousin Sarah's wedding today, " I see you as a true Christian, Erin. You show love, and are humble in accepting a compliment. When I think of what a Christian woman looks like, I think of you. You are fabulous!" Me? Really? I know so many other people who have it all together, I do not consider myself to be that person. But, I do know that I have a story, which I will share about a journey which I will make until the day that I die about my struggle with acceptance of myself and of food. I shared today with Nikki, a friend of Betsy's that my favorite part of being a new person is people whom do not know who I am…when it is a family member, it makes it even sweeter. This happened twice at Sarah's wedding. I know that my sweet Jesus Christ has a message for me to share and that is of my Savior saving me from myself at the age of 22 years. I see that while I may not know the lives in which I give impact to, I just show up and live and try to be myself, Christ will work through me to impact others if I will let him.

With this is mind it makes it surreal to know that I have finished my Masters Degree this past week from Emporia State with Curriculum and Instruction as the goal. I know that I have the ability and passion to teach new educators at some point in my life, but that point is not yet today. While my dream is still intact of teaching new educators, my goal of becoming an IRT in my district has shifted. For now, I just want to specialize in being a great 5^th grade educator. This has been made possible through the completion of my project on Donorschoose.org for next year! I have been funded in teaching of a book unit of the literature masterpiece entitled, "Masterpiece" by Elise Broach. An art heist told from the perspective of a beetle! I am ecstatic about sharing my love of art and literature with next year's class, I know that they will embrace and adore this book as much as I do! I am over the moon about sharing this digital project with them. Thank you again to each of you who took the time to donate to my classroom. The bigger picture to keep in mind is that many students do not have the ability to visualize an art heist nor get passionate about it, yet, doing a book study will hopefully help open a door for greater literacy connections.

April has been more than just book funding, it has been one of public education funding. I attended the KNEA Representative Assembly in Topeka, KS a few weeks ago. I listened as I heard about the drastic cuts being made in the arena of public education. Currently, the budget for the state sits at funding public education from $5,000 (appx) to state reps and senators wanting to cut it back to $3,200 per student! This is a cut which would take public ed to a realm before 1992. Are we as Americans that simple minded that we would go back in time nearly 20 years and believe that 20 years ago, there was no internet, home computers, hybrid cars, but the quality of education which public school teachers are to give our future leaders and citizens must remain the same? How can it? All these things would need to leave the classrooms for the education to be what it was that long ago. Yet, as Americans there is an outcry for justice in education and making teachers to bad guys for wanting benefits and equal pay. When other cultures and nationalities around the globe pour money into their priority of public schools such as Finland, China and Switzerland, then yes, where the money is, there the best education will lie. Is it fair? Maybe, maybe not. But it shows where countries have set their priorities and future. If funding of the future is something which Americans do not want, then we will continue in a downward spiral of ignorance leading our decision making. Keep this in the back of your mind as you read, each of us WILL grow older, children and youth WILL replace us, ARE we preparing them for their role as key decision makers or are we leading through ignorance ourselves because we do not see the value of the stock in front of us? We have to keep the bigger picture in mind.

Below is a THANK YOU! to Olive Garden for a Lunch with they brought us for being the top fundraisers for our school Pennies for Patients Drive.

Exiting from school funding and viewing myself, I have been working on a different big picture to keep in mind as I get ready to meet with the plastic surgeon and Fox 4 news on May 9^th. That bigger picture is the new Erin Marie Meyer. Who is she and what is she becoming? I know that I have been struggling with finding out who I am for the past few years really. It seems to me that insecurity with my appearance is what has been the drive within my weight loss for many years. I would use the mental strategy of telling myself that I was too big still and needed to lose more weight. This worked very well to hit the goal weight, but as Betsy and I discussed at SPIN! pizza with friends that the goal weight loss was not a weight that I could maintain, losing 200 pounds is one thing, yet being able to live at that weight was another. It was not a manageable weight for me. I was ALWAYS hungry, grumpy and eating! Since then with BCBS and getting ready to meet with my surgeon, I have been reevaluating myself and the weight and lifestyle which I do believe that I can be and manage long-term, I believe that I have a weight goal in mind to strive for and work with to achieve this. For the first time in my life, I feel as though I know what is a manageable weigh and style of life for me. The bigger picture to keep in mind with the food for me is that now that I have stopped trying to lose weight, and simply manage weight, the understanding of food is changing in my life as well. I am beginning to learn to eat not because I have "points" or "calories" but whether or not I am hungry and listening to my body signals at this point. I have stopped calorie counting this past week and I am going to see how simply listening to my body moves and takes me. While this is not a new way of thinking, it should have been my way of thinking since my childhood; it is a new change for me. Knowing that I am working on fueling my body when it is hungry and the proper diet and nutrition for it, thanks to WW and Clean Eating lifestyle, Betsy and I watched a few documentaries this past weekend on food. One was SuperSize Me-gross! I haven't eaten fast food in 5 years and I am proud to say that I will never eat it again. If I ever am blessed with my own children, they will not eat it from me either. The other was FOOD, inc. I am now starting to phase in organic foods into my diet. I never gave organics or ethic and moral thoughts when it came to eating, yet these things are good to keep in mind. How do I see myself? Well, I am a premium model if I were a car, so if I would want a top performance, then I would need to fuel myself with such an item, this would look like premium products entering my body system. After seeing how chicken, pork and beef was processed, I am now committed to really think about what I eat and where it comes from. I have the bigger picture of myself but also the local agrarian society to help as well. Do I believe that I can make a difference on what products I consume and how I perform?

Finally, the bigger picture of love has been at play. "I would not wish any companion in the world but you." – William Shakespeare, The Tempest, Act 3, Scene 1. My cousin Sarah got married this past weekend. She fell in love with David Fransisco, the server at one of her favorite restaurants. David spoke no English, and Sarah no Spanish. Thus, like any good friend, her best friend went on the first date and interpreted for both of them. Four years later, they were married. It was a sweet ceremony in a traditional Catholic service and church followed by a reception at the Screenland Theaters in Downtown, KC, MO. Sarah was a lovely bride and David a handsome addition to the Graham family. I am excited to see her union but also challenged at the same time. I took the challenge as, stepping out of my box. Sarah and David did not let the barrier of a language stand in the way of their love. It was refreshing to see a couple who wanted to be together in spite of a barrier between them. I was inspired because they both saw that in the course of their lifetime which they will be creating together, they will have bigger challenges then language, but if they truly are committed to one another, then something as small as language is minor in the grand scheme of their lifetime together. (In case you were wondering, I caught the bouquet; I always manage to catch it at the Graham family weddings, first Laurie's back in 9^th grade, then Matt and Michelle's three years ago and now Sarah and David. I think there is a trend here…)

The Lovely Bride and Groom!
Dee-Dee, Myself, Trixie and Greta - My family of cousins from Jetmore, MO.

The good news is that I have the security now to know that my time currently is a gift without a husband and children. This gift has allowed me to travel, attend conferences and become the woman that I am transforming into. I am being sculpted into something special and I have a present to enjoy and it is up to me to enjoy it. Singleness may be something which is happening to me now, but when you really think about how 2/3 of ones life is spent with your mate and children, it is the 1/3 without that is the gift. Like many things in life, once the change has occurred, there is a ripple effect which may never retract. I have yet to have this ripple effect tossed into my pond, this is a gift because I can keep creating many innovations in the garden to which I tend. Keep the bigger picture in mind, the garden to which I tend and grow will always have something new to cultivate and plant. Do you see the bigger picture in mind?